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She sighed as she prepared to say the words. She was never one for making waves...all she wanted was to please people, and hope to be pleased in return. A usually pitiful existence, but he had made it pay off. He was, to use a romance novel-esqu term, her other half. But she had to know. Other girls did much worse things, much more demanding, selfish things than this, and their lovers didn't leave them, right? right. her best friend was one of those girls, so she should know what she's talking about. but still...her doubt was overwhelming. Always go with your instincts, she told herself. She later realized that her instincts were telling her not to say a word, just to congratulate him, but sudden realizations of the truth, unfortunately, usually don't come until after the fact...
"If you get this scholarship, what will it mean for us?" She sighed as she said the words, and when she didn't here an immediate outburst, she though she had done the right thing. But she had forgot that he wasn't a violently angry man. Quite the opposite, in fact. His type of anger was the quiet, hidden kind. The most dangerous kind. She knew she had made a mistake when she looked up and saw his smile had been stopped in its tracks. In fact, his face was frozen, until he spoke, and when his words escaped his mouth, she unconsciously shrunk back. She had seen him like this once before, she was scared then, and she wasn't even the direct object of his anger. She supposed that, in hindsight, that should have been a warning sign, but he was just so...perfect. She had never expected anything like this...
"Well I assumed you would be coming with me to Colorado of course." He declared in that menacingly quiet voice, his eyes glinting, something hidden there that she would later realize was malice, but couldn't put her finger on at the moment, which was why she didn't take his hidden warning sign. "What?" She exclaimed, "You expect me to leave everything I have? My friends, my family, my job, my education (for they both knew that was what this argument was about, right?), for someplace new, and unfamilar? You are my other half, but they are all I am without you!" she was suprised at his anger at her innocent-though, she had to admit, slightly loaded-question, and when someone took her by suprise she reacted. Strongly. She didn't have his apparent self control.
"No, my dear," he said with an odd note in his voice, "I am everything you are. Think about it, your friends? They're all gone, the people you talk with now? All people you ever talk to or meet up with, are people I introduced to you. Your family? Your dad passed on, and your Mom is still back in Wisconsin, where you come from" He said Wisconsin with a sort of disdain, she had always detected an arrogance about him when it came to her home state, she had no idea why though, "Your job would probably leave with me, I secured it, remember? And your education? Your education would be better in the University of Colorado, instead of in this tiny school." Even before he had finished speaking, she knew he was right. She had abandoned her friends when she met him, not purposefully, or at a quick rate, but slowly and surely enough. But she could make new friends, right? And jobs come and go...her small waitressing gig at the local Bistro was next-to-nothing anyways. And he was wrong about her education. She had chosen this school exclusively for its strong physics program, as had he. In fact, it was where they had met, they were lab partners in a class. But thinking about those early, apparently, easier days brought tears to her eyes, which apparently disgusted him, "So your crying now, are you? Is this supposed to be a tactic to get me to stay? Because it's not working. It never will, Katherine. I thought you were different than other girls, always scheming. I guess I was wrong." She had never seen him like this before, but granted, she did know him, and she knew the look of breif, but, to all appearences, intense, look of hurt. She understood it now- she had hurt him, thats why he had reacted so strongly. Her guilt came on quickly, but it was deep and real. Later on, washing the dirty dishes of the man she had loved but learned to hate, she would realize that that was exactly what men like him wanted- your look of guilt, their power over you increased.
They argued for a while more, but she finally gave in. When she concurred to go with him if he did, indeed, win the scholarship he very probably would be granted, he struck her. It was sudden, as if on a whim, and his face was immediately shocked at his outburst, but he didn't look guilty, persay, just shocked. Maybe that he had actually did it? Who knows, besides him? The breaking point, she later saw, was that. That she didn't react, just sort of collapsed into herself and let it pass, making excuses to herself all the way, even blaming herself at points.
Little did she know then, she mused as she told their little son, Jimmy, who was begining to look so much like his father she sometimes shrank back from him, to get off to bed, that every time she would try to leave the same thing would happen. They would fight, she would cave, and he would slap her, or grab her earing, or sometimes even grabbing her by the hair and slamming her against the wall. They eventually married, though it was happy at first. He felt he had her for good. Two years in though, his paranoia set in. And that brought her to today. Stuck at home. Washing dishes, doing housework. Jimmy was the sole light in her life now. Her once bright eyes were now dim with realizations, and her body had began to sag with age, and the weight of the knowledge that she could never leave. She knew he was two-timing her, but he was her main source of income. All she could do was try and keep him away from the boy. That was all that kept her going. That's all that keeps her going...
- by cue the catchy piano |
- Fiction
- | Submitted on 11/02/2008 |
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- Title: ...All That Keeps Her Going
- Artist: cue the catchy piano
- Description: another story-ish thing i wrote randomly. i dont know, part of it just popped into my head, and i worked my way around that, i guess. rate and comment? please? Also excuse any grammatical errors and such, i tried to edit, but i probably failed :/
- Date: 11/02/2008
- Tags: keeps going
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Comments (1 Comments)
- Moosh123 - 11/02/2008
- I love it it's very beautiful smile Keep writing!!
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