• Chapter One

    6 months. 17 days. 10 hours. 19 minutes. 20 seconds. At 12:20, it ends. My life will be desolate however complete.
    I’m standing at a park not too far from my house. It’s chilly out tonight. I hear the giant oak trees rustling as though they stand, anticipating something. There’s some chirping from crickets and fireflies light up every so often. Pretending to be bits of stars fallen to Earth. The wind blows gently, upsetting my hair slightly. It wraps around me like icy although comforting arms. I glance at the moon. It sits up there looking at me, waiting. I look down at my hand.
    The moon’s weak nevertheless plentiful light casts off the cold metal object. I turn it around in my hand so the light reflects off different angles. I smile faintly. Enjoying the pleasant and simply peaceful moment. I again look up, monitoring my location. I’m standing between the swings. I remember the way I was when I was a kid. I was playful, not caring. The pure symbol of innocence one could say. Now, I know too much, seen too much. There are no lights on except the moon and the little stars. Soon, there won’t be a light on in me.
    I glimpse at my watch. 12:22. I’m off by two minutes. I don’t mind. I’m not in much a rush to die anyways. I sigh and bring the gun up to my forehead. A perfect location to rid myself of the terrible memories. The sight of the gun pleases me since it was my best companion these past six months. Except I finally have the courage to pull the trigger when it’s loaded. The metal is cold on my forehead. I fight the instinct to remove it. I stare at my gun and blink a few times. I flex my finger then rest it back on the trigger. A flash goes through my mind. It’s a happy memory of my mother before she went insane. She was smiling at me. It was so beautiful, she was beautiful. Tears flowed from my eyes. I wept. I peeked at the moon again, saying a silent farewell then pulled the trigger.
    My hand was blown back as was my head but in opposite directions. I watched the moon shrink form my sight as I fell. I was conscious of a minor pain somewhere on my body. As I fell, I saw or think I saw a figure standing beside me. I smiled at it then everything faded out.
    The sound of a gun was so serene even if it was the signal for the end. I remembered it clearly. It rang in my ears and mind like a favorite song. It replayed countless times. I started to fear the noise since it came too suddenly and frequently. I heard it once more but it was different, altered in some way. Then it came again. It was the sound of a bell not a gunshot! My eyes fluttered open and pain rushed at me. I cried out. It was excruciating. My eyes felt heavy and it hurt to scream. It was like no headache I had ever experienced before. My voice diminished as did my consciousness.
    I awoke like I did from dreamless nights. I felt a cold awareness around my head. My mind felt calm and empty. I stared up to see a seemingly faultless grey wall. A dim light swung in the corner of my sight. I was mesmerized by it profoundly. It swung hypnotically. Right, left, right, left. Never slowing, never accelerating. It went at its own pace like how I wanted my life. My life. Was it over? Am I dead now? Where am I if I did?
    Blackness.
    My eyes open to the same room. I’m no longer cold nor in pain. I feel nothing, absolutely nothing. I feel my body yet I don’t. I’m an apparition, I think. I’m just suspended in air like a dust particle. A noise pulls me back. I again feel the heaviness of my body. I hear something I haven’t heard in a long while. A voice reassuring me about something but with sincerity. It was a male’s voice. Deep and full of passion that I couldn’t explain. I drowned in it. I was smothered by longing and desire that I never felt before. I shook my head, thinking I was delirious but the voice came for a second time.
    “No need to fear. You are safe here.”
    Oh how poetic! Oh how I wish it were true! How I wish I was safe and never in fear! But these are foolish wishes, always were. There is no haven for me. Never was. I wasn’t meant to be safe. To know blissful happiness, only suffering, only pain.
    A figured filled my vision. It was a man. He was draped in a long black, sleeveless shirt and black torn pants. His hair was unkempt but looked soft and satin like. His eyes were two black trenches. No matter how much you looked into them, you would never know what he was thinking. He was so pale. He looked dead. I smiled at him, stretching my arms out. Death, I thought. He is Death, my Death. Come to bring me to the other side. I am a spirit and he is taking me away from the land of the living. I laughed. The noise reaching my ears. It was so happy yet so hollow. I kept at it.
    The figure crouched and lifted me up. Cradled me in its arms like a baby or small child. I was fascinated because the man was warm. His chest and arms were solid and warm. My mind playing tricks on me I guessed. I laughed my hollow laugh and traced my Death’s face. So beautiful! He smiled. His teeth bright and perfect. A dreadful shiver coursed through my body but I disregarded it. He had the smell of fresh roses. I breathed in this smell. The smell intoxicating me further. How ironic, I thought, that death could be so romantic. How he could have the fragrance of something so gorgeous but stand for one’s end.
    I smiled back at him and his head descended slowly near mine. His lips brushed over mine and stayed. Tender and passionate. I was hovering in this feeling. His lips were cool. His breath was hot like his tongue. I drifted in this kiss from my Death. Of my death. He pulled away but his head cascaded down to my neck. Kissing it softly and whispering blessed words. His breath coaxing me to yield to him more, to be with him. To become part of him.
    I wanted to be his for eternity. My Death’s. I wanted to belong only to this creature which showed me love that I never had when I was alive. I felt a swift pain but it dissolved quickly. I heard beating. Beating like that of a drum. It was slow but it quickened then I heard another beating. Both getting faster then one slowed. My chest hurt vaguely. I sighed and the man’s head lifted off my neck. Something cool was placed over my gaping mouth a few seconds later. A searing fluid flowed in. It was filled with tears and iron. I savored the taste as it filled me utterly. I moaned but kept drinking in this satisfying potion. I withered from the sensation.
    Blackness.