• An Unrealistic View Episode 1: The Draconian Devil

    It seems that due to my An Unrealistic View of Myspace and other Notable Properties story that I have been kidnapped by Dracula’s servants. They are all pale, teenage girls who scream whenever Dracula is mentioned, and I mean the type of scream that someone screams when they see a celebrity.

    My last memory was being knocked out by one of them and now it seems I am in the MySpace or FOX castle. I can’t tell which. I am now attached to a chair with rope casually waiting my demise.

    Suddenly Dracula appeared through the window and said, “So, you think you can humiliate our properties and get away with it? I think not you fool!”

    “I don’t regret anything.”

    “Yet, yet, but in good time you will regret every insult to us you’ve made. Now I will suck your blood, bleh!”

    Now I was about to prepare for my destiny, but suddenly something blasted through the door.

    “I’M BACK, WITH WEAPONS!”

    I knew that accent, that one infamous accent that is world famous… Arnold Schwarzenegger? And indeed, who had appeared through the smoke, it was him, he held a huge rifle on his back and a rocket launcher in his hands. I saw Dracula frown and he said,

    “How did you get passed Cerberus?” Dracula asked.

    “I sang it a beautiful lullaby as I twisted its necks off!”

    “That is it, Arnold, I will kill you NOW!” he lunged for Arnold’s neck and he started drawing blood from it. Suddenly he collapsed unconscious.

    “What just happened?” I asked him.

    “Now weaking can drink my blood and survive its awesome texture,” he told me, “Now we must escape this place, they’ll know soon that I killed Dracula and you have escaped. Soon they will have Polyphemus after us… now RUN!” as he untied me.

    Finally we were off as we ran through the smoke filled exit. As we reached the hallway Arnold turned 90 degrees to the right and someone hit his head with a skateboard. I looked up and it was… Bart Simpson?

    “Cowabunga, b.”

    I saw a comic book near Arnold’s body that he had been carrying. It was a mint condition issue of some story. I saw my chance and threw the book behind Bart and as I predicted he ran after it as I ran in the opposite direction.