• Notes: Dedicated to my friend Robbie, one of the most amazing people I know smile heart

    Warning: Mentions of self-injury and suicidal themes. Sorry if it offends.

    MY GUARDIAN ANGEL

    I cradle my arm against my stomach, my knees drawn up as I curl in on myself upon my bed. I can hear the pulse of my blood in my ears and the soft beating of my heart in my chest. It hurts to breathe. It should never hurt to breathe.

    I hear someone call my name but I can’t get up, my legs are too sore from the cuts in them. I whimper softly, trying to swallow so I can call back that I am busy but then I hear the footsteps, loud in my realm of quiet darkness.

    The door to my room opens and light floods the air around me, causing me to clench my dark eyes shut and bury my face in my pillow. I feel the weight of someone on the bed beside me, their gentle hands taking my own and pulling my arms away from me.

    “What have you done to yourself, little one?” They ask softly.

    “I don’t know... I don’t know anything anymore.” I reply, feeling tears well in my eyes as my vision begins to blur.

    “Well that simply can’t be true... What day of the week is it?”

    I don’t respond, I won’t let them win.

    “Please talk to me... I don’t want to lose you too...”

    “You already lost me... L-Long ago...”

    I can sense their disappointment in me but I do not go on. I rest my head against their shoulder and look up at them, into those blue eyes. Those eyes stare back at me sadly as I feel the light inside me fade, as I die.

    “How much longer do you have?” They ask quietly.

    “Little more than a minute,” I whisper, looking away as I lean more heavily against them.

    They tighten their grasp on me, rubbing my back soothingly as I rapidly weaken. I lose the feeling in my legs, the numbness slowly creeping up my body to my torso and arms. As I lose the sensation of their hand against my back, I look back at them through half-closed eyes.

    “Are you my guardian angel?”

    Their voice is shaky. “Y-Yes... Yes I’m your guardian angel. I’m going to look after you.”

    “Will you be there? ... Wherever I go?” I whisper.

    “Yes. Yes I’ll be there, I’ll always be there.”

    I look up weakly and manage a smile. My eyesight clears enough for me to realize who it is holding me. I never thought I’d see this particular person in such a vulnerable state, especially not around me. But of course I never suspected that I’d kill myself either.

    I look up at him, into those beautiful blue eyes that have been stuck in the back of my head since we met. “Thank you...”

    “For what?”

    “For looking after me,” I whisper before my eyes drift closed and I fall limp. “Robbie...”