• Tyler Woods Journal Entry #8
    March 19, 2010


    tab Have you ever been in a situation when you didn't know how to think, didn't know how to act? One of those moments when someone says something to you that is so horrible, that you are, literally, speechless? When the whole world seems to be whizzing out of control, falling apart right before your eyes?
    tab That's how I felt at that moment, when he said those words:
    tab "You're not human. Never were, never will be." About thirty seconds of silence went by. Thirty seconds of me trying to comprehend, trying just to grasp what was said to me.
    tab "You're not human. Never were, never will be."
    tab "Not...human?" was all I could get out. He must not have actually meant it...A metaphor...Yes, a metaphor... That, at least, is what I told myself.
    tab "That is what I said. Not human." He paused, and then added,
    tab "I know what you're thinking. But be assured, there's no loop holes here. Take what I said by it's literal meaning." Did he read my mind? Well, I guess that would make sense if he could control me, and if was his..."creation".
    tab Then again...that was impossible, right?
    tab "No...I don't believe it...That's a lie! You're lying!"
    tab "Hmph. It's to be expected." The voice sighed, and went on,
    tab "'Tyler', there is a term for what you are going through. 'A state of denial'. But give it some time. Eventually, you'll accept the truth. And eventually, you'll know the full truth. As for now, think about it. Are you going to hold onto your petty, artificial feelings? Or see the undeniable logic behind this...fact?"
    tab "Leave...Go..." was all I could utter.
    tab "Of course. That was my full intention. After all, you have some business to attend to."
    tab "What?"
    tab "I'm sure the crowd around you is quite worried about you." And then something strange happened. It felt like I was being sucked out of my own brain, and then suddenly just staring into the blue sky.
    tab "You ok?" I looked to my side. Kids surrounded me on all sides...
    tab Was I back in my neighborhood?
    tab "Yeah--yeah, I'm fine." I heaved myself up, and looked into the distance with a vacant stare. Was what the man said...true? Was I really not human?
    tab "You sure? You don't look too--" The boy reached for my shoulder, but I quickly turned away, and exclaimed,
    tab "I said I'm fine!" Everyone just stared at me, not sure how to react to my sudden change in attitude.
    tab "You guys think your special, don't you?! Think you can just do whatever you want to me...because I'm different! Because I'm not like you! Even if I save someone's life...Even if I hospitalize the largest menace of the school, you don't care!"
    tab "Geez, what does any of that have to do with anything? I was just trying to help--"
    tab "I don't want your help!" That quickly silenced him, so I continued,
    tab "Don't you get it? I don't want friends! All they do is just act like their there for you, act like they care, but they really don't! Eventually, they just leave a big mess, leaving you to pick everything up. I don't want that to happen again..." I began to walk off, and muttered under my breath,
    tab "I've got enough things to worry about right now." From behind me, I heard smoeone else shout,
    tab "Then what do you want?"
    tab "I want to be alone!"
    tab This outburst, I guess you would say, was triggered by a number of different things. After having my hopes up, after finally achieving a spotlight in the school, I found myself thrown down. Quickly. Without hesitation. Stacy, too. What about her? What would people think of her now? I began to have anger towards myself, which might've been why I, not fully aware, brought it out on everyone else.
    tab And then what that "voice" said. Or whatever it was. His words are still, even as I write this, ringing in my head:
    tab "You're not human. Never were, never will be."
    tab How would you feel if someone said that? Sad? Upset? Angry?
    tab For me, it was angry. And it would certainly show in the next couple days. In the meantime, though, I thought about what happened...while I was "drifting in my own memory". Was that all a dream? Just a bad dream? A nightmare?
    tab I couldn't decide. Did those events actually happen? Or did it really matter, either way?