• Chapter 1

    “I love you,” I said under my breath as I smiled and watched Sam walk away. And I did love her. A lot. So much it hurt not to say it every day to her. Not under my breath, like just now. Not with a ‘sisterly only’ at the end, but just an ‘I love you.’
    “Hm? You say something, Mallory?” she questioned. I swear sometimes it was like she knew.
    “Did I say something?” I asked nervously. If she heard me, I couldn’t help but think the worst. What if she never talked to me again, because she was too freaked? Our friendship would be over! I knew she had no problem with me being gay; she even supported me when my parents kicked me out. But the thought of her never talking to me again because of something stupid like this made me keep my love a secret.
    “I guess not,” she said as she smiled.
    Gawd! Her smile! It was one of the most beautiful things on this Earth! The most beautiful thing was her, of course.
    “Well, Jayden is probably waiting for me, and you know how he can get impatient when he can’t see me. So, bye bye!”
    She started walking away quickly, to go see HIM. Her boyfriend. I hated that all she ever talked about was Jayden. Jayden, Jayden, JAYDEN! What about how I felt?! Didn’t she see the hurt in my eyes when she talked about how great he was, and how great it was between them?
    Of course not, I didn’t tell her I loved her. She didn’t know it hurt so badly when she did that. It didn’t help that I always sounded happy when she talked about him. I made sure not to let the hurt go in my eyes.

    “Hey, wanna spend the night?” Sam asked.
    The thought of Sam’s tiny twin bed and us sharing it made my heart beat faster. I liked whenever our arms barely brushed, or when she took my arm into hers, which was rare. This time, we would be squished in a tiny bed. More than our arms would be touching.
    “When?”
    “Tonight.”
    “Ok.” I tried not to sound to bored nor to excited.
    “Alright then, I’ll pick you up in ten minutes. Be ready!”
    “Kk”
    I hung up and started to think about what I was going to wear. It was winter, so I should pack warm pajamas, but what was wrong with boxers and a tank top? I decided on that and made sure my hair looked perfect.
    I didn’t wait more than two minutes, and then there she was, coming up to my door. She was wearing the sweater I gave her for her birthday. It made me feel special.
    “Mom! I’m Leaving!” I yelled over my shoulder, not waiting for a reply, like I cared if she said I could or couldn’t. What was she going to do, kick me out again?
    I ran out the door, and to her. She greeted me with a hug that was tempting not to let go of.
    “Come on, my mom’s waiting in the car,” she giggled.
    Her mom. Great.
    Sam’s mom wasn’t one of my favorites. She wasn’t against gays, nor was she a homophobe; she just didn’t like the fact that I myself was gay, and so close to her precious only daughter. (She didn’t have any other kids besides Sam.) Stupid, I know.
    We hopped in the car and immediately there was that awkward silence. Sam was tried to break it, but it didn’t work. It actually made it worse.
    “So, uh, Mallory, uhm….”
    “Y-yeah?”
    “Uhmmmmmmm…I don’t know…”
    Awkward silence.
    We rode to her house in silence. As soon as we got to her house, though, we ran in and were loud at once. We ran into her room and I went to put my backpack in a corner.
    She tried to take my backpack and hide it. I tackled her and immediately we were a squirming, wrestling mass on the ground. I let her start to pin me and get her confidence up, then flipped and pinned her.
    “Ha!” I was breathing heavy, she had gotten a lot stronger since swim season ended for me and she had started working out. “I win!” She thought she was a little too chubby, but she wasn’t. She was perfect.
    “No, you don’t!” I could tell she was thinking hard, trying to find a way to win. “This is awkward...”
    “Not really, it’s not like we’re together or anything…” It had to pointed out. Now it was awkward.
    “Well, I bet I can make it awkward,” she smiled.
    I didn’t have time to move or think before she had leaned up and kissed me. It wasn’t a quick friendly kiss, either. This kiss was a longer, more passionate one. I almost didn’t pull away, I’d wanted this forever, wanted to be with her as more than just friends. The kiss lasted for about fifteen seconds, before I could finally pull away.
    “What the hell?!” I was blushing, bad.
    She smiled innocently. She might have been blushing as well, but it was hard to tell, considering her room was so dark. She was breathing heavy, either from the kiss, or the fact I was sitting on her stomach.
    “Told you so,” she said. She flipped me and pinned me on the ground. She was so close to my face I could feel her breath, heavy on my face. I couldn’t move.
    “I know you want me, and I’m a bit curious myself,” she giggled. I tried to get up, but she was about my weight and the kiss had made me dizzy.
    “Sam, I don’t know wh—“ She did it again. I tried to talk to tell her to stop, but all that did was give her access to the inside of my mouth. It was so dizzying, I couldn’t stand it.
    Somehow I managed to get her off of me and scooted quickly to a corner. Sam was different tonight. It scared and pleased me.
    “What is up with you?”
    “…Jayden broke up with me….”
    There was a moment of happiness, then guilt, shock, then concern for my best friend, and my love.
    “I’m so sorry Sam!” I started to scoot over to her to comfort her, but the kisses came to mind, it was enough to cause me to stop.
    “No, I’m sorry, Mal. I didn’t know how to deal with it, and I just felt done with guys, and we’re so close… I thought you could replace him, and all the other stupid guys. You seem…safe...”
    It felt warm hearing this. She said I was the one to replace Jayden! The one to replace all guys in her life! Was this a dream?
    “I’ll do anything to help you.”
    “Thanks.”
    We sat in silence for a while. She looked like she was going to cry. Then she started to crawl over to me, and I started to get nervous.
    She didn’t try anything, though. Relief and disappointment washed over me. She lied her head down in my lap, and started crying. I heard her sobbing, but couldn’t see her face. I sat there and whispered nice things to her, while playing with her hair. This always made me feel better, the whispers soothed me and I loved it when people played with my hair, it felt nice and was calming.
    She finally calmed down and sat up. She wiped her eyes off and started taking out all the braids that had been put into her hair, then decided against it.
    “Will you take them out for me?”
    “U-Uh, sure.” I started to quickly take her braids out. She was practically sitting in my lap. It took about ten minutes to get them all out.
    “Thanks, now, let’s go get something to eat,” she said as she stood up. Didn’t even look like she had been crying.
    She reached her hand down to help me up, and even after I was up didn’t let it go. A thrill chill ran up my back. We walked to the kitchen like that, her touch a drug to me. It felt like I was in a dream. A really good one.
    “What shall we have to eat?”
    I loved Sam’s house. It always smelt like food, and for good reason. She was taking cooking classes and so she was always baking cookies and cakes and such. Right now it smelt like vanilla and sugar.
    “Hmm, I don’t know.” I really didn’t. Her hand was distracting.
    “Well grab a bunch of stuff and we’ll go watch a movie in my room.”
    “What’s wrong with the living room?”
    Sam pointed at her mom, who wasn’t really paying attention to us, but on the computer working. I wondered how that women could work with all the noise me and Sam made.
    “Ah. Alright.” It made me nervous how she had done that. What was she planning to do..?
    She dropped my hand and grabbed a bag of sour cream and onion potato chips and some sugar cookies. Home made of course, by the hands of the girl I loved. I grabbed frosting to go on the cookies and some suckers. Mmm, such a good combo, huh?
    “I’m gonna get in my pajamas before we watch the movie, k?” she said as she shed her shirt. I quickly looked away.
    “Err…I might as well too then…” I practically whispered. That had to be the fastest anyone has ever gotten dressed. I wished I had brought better pajamas then the ones I was wearing now. Bad move, Mallory, bad move.
    I kneeled in front of her movie selection and started to look. I wanted a scary movie, one that made you want to scream. I loved thrillers, even though they terrified me.
    Sam’s hands move down my back and around my waist to hold me. My heart practically stopped. She was wearing something kind of like I was. There was the feeling of skin contact.
    “What are we watching?”
    “Well- uh…uhm. Heh. I wanted to watch something scary?” I was so nervous, I couldn’t think or talk straight. Ha, ha. The irony.
    “Whatever you like,” she said, I felt her lips moving on my neck, it gave me chills. She blew slowly on my neck. I wondered how I was going to get through the night with her like this. I liked it, but it was happeneing really fast.
    “O-okay, how about this one?”
    “Whatever you want.” She slowly unwrapped me from her arms and went to sit on the bed.
    I went over to the DVD player and put the movie in. I was excited. It looked like a movie that promised to scare you.
    I always loved watching movie previews because it showed you what was out there, but Sam didn’t, so we skipped to the main menu and selected play. It whooshed to the beginning of the movie. I threw the remote down over by the bed and went over where to where we had dumped the snacks.
    “What do you want?”
    “Just bring everything,” she smiled.
    Sam was in the middle of her tiny bed, probably so whether I sat on her left or right, it would still be sitting really close to her. Who knew what was going on in Sam’s mind tonight? It would have been weird of me to sit on the ground, so I decided to sit between where the walls met. The wall was cold on either side, and again I wished I’d worn something less flimsy, for multiple reasons.
    All the snacks were dropped in the middle of us, and she grabbed the chips, much to my surprise, she usually ate a lot of sweet things, she practically lived on dessert. I decided with the frosting and cookies. Darn, no knife. I would have to use my finger I guess.
    “I haven’t seen this one yet, Jayden said I wouldn’t like it cuz it would be too scary for me,” Sam said as she snuggled up against me and put her head in my lap.
    “Oh, you have frosting,” she giggled.
    “Hm? Where?”
    “Right, here.” She leaned up and licked my cheek.
    “Just tell me next time,” I said as I blushed and rubbed her lick off.
    “Your cute when your embarrassed,” she giggled.
    “Quiet, watch the movie.” I hoped she couldn’t hear the nervousness in my voice.
    “Stop distracting me, then,” she said as she winked at me. She looked away and to the screen, much to my pleasure. Now I could watch the movie.
    The movie started out with someone in the shower, and was killed by someone with an axe. There was a lot of blood and gore, just my style of horror movies, cheesy. Then some kids went into the house, and of course got trapped. Everyone died but the axe murderer, of course.
    The movie ended about three hours later. Sam had fallen asleep. The movie had been a bit scary for her. I guess she had just decided to go to sleep instead of watching it.
    I got up carefully, trying not to wake her up. It was difficult, but I managed to get up and off the bed without waking her. The DVD had gone to the menu and kept playing the same thing over and over. It was annoying. I took the DVD out and put it away.
    “Mmnnggh…” I heard a thump and turned around. Sam had fallen on the floor. How many times did she do this when her friends didn’t spend the night? Good thing she didn’t have a bunk bed, she bruised easily and always seemed to get hurt.
    I picked up the remainder of the snacks we didn’t eat, and took them to the cupboard, planning to pick Sam up when I came back. Her mom was in there looking for a 2 a.m. snack it looked like. She looked at me, almost a glare. Almost.
    “Just headed to bed…” I said.
    “Ok, good night,” she said. Her tone was emotionless. She watched me leave; her stare cold in my back.
    When I got back into the room, Sam had woken up. She was sitting on the floor, tangled in the blanket and looking around sleepily. Her shirt was low, really really low.
    “Uhm, your, uh, shirt.” I made a pulling up motion with my shirt.
    “Hm? Why should I pull it up? You want to see it, right? And it’s not like you haven’t seen me in gym. This is just with a shirt on. We’re both girls,” she smiled. “ What happened in the movie?”
    “Everyone died.”
    “Of course.”
    “Yup.”
    She patted beside her. I looked at the spot and back at her. She smiled. I walked cautiously over.
    “Wall, or edge?”
    “You choose.”
    “Edge then,” Sam said.
    I lied down and faced the wall. She shifted to where she was facing me, and moved under the covers. It was freezing without them, considering it was winter and what we were wearing.
    She was warm, really warm. I felt her snake her arm around my waist and pull me closer. She was shivering, so I assumed it was just because it was cold. She pulled hard and I flipped onto my back. She put her head onto the crook of my neck. Her breath slowed and soon she was asleep.
    Her sleepiness was contagious. Soon my breath started to fall into rhythm with hers, and I fell asleep as well. I didn’t dream.

    I awoke to thunder and sudden movement. There was a lightning flash, and Sam was wrapped around me, crying.
    “Sam, what’s wrong?” My voice was groggy with sleep. It was quickly cleared.
    “Mallory? Oh good, your awa-“
    There was a loud boom of thunder, and Sam yelped. She hugged me close to her, her hug a little too tight for my comfort, and buried her face in my chest.
    “It’s just thunder, Sam”
    “I know, but it’s loud!”
    I started laughing, I couldn’t help it. She loved loud music and fireworks and such, but she hated thunder? Oh, the irony.
    “Why are you laughing at me?!”
    “Ha-ha! I’m not laughing at you, I’m laughing because you’re scared of thunder because it’s loud!”
    “Your mean!” She hid her face under the blankets in my lap.
    “No, no! I’m not! It’s ironic! You love loud music, especially techno. Look, it sounds like that beat they use in Angel Hunters! Listen… It’s less scary, I promise.”
    Slowly Sam came out from under the blankets. She was listening to the thunder, trying to hear the beat.
    “Watch and listen.” I said a silent plea to let the thunder line up right, and started tapping and counting. It sounded somewhat like one of their songs.
    “Wow, it really does! Thanks, Mall…” Sam loved anything by Angel Hunters. I thought they were pretty good myself, but I liked my beats more pronounced and faster. When I was in the mood, however, I only listened to them.
    “Sure, no problem.”
    We listened for a while to the song of thunder and rain, and watched the lightning through her small window. I was holding Sam still, and she was wrapped around me. It was perfect, I wished the moment would never end.
    “Mallory?”
    “Hm?”
    “Do you love me?”
    “Of course! I’ve actually loved you for awhile…”
    “I know…” I knew it! It always seemed like she knew! “I don’t think I love you though… I think I was just freaking out because Jayden broke up with me…”
    “Oh…Yeah, you know, that’s fine. It’s up to you who you like and who you love, I would never make you, you know…” Of course it ended like this, it was just a dream after all. It was way to good to be true…
    “Then can we be just friends? Go back to normal? Way it was before…tonight?”
    “Of course, I would never do anything to make you unhappy or uncomfortable.”
    “Ok, can we pretend this night never happened, then? Please don’t tell anyone.”
    “That’s fine. I promise...” I swore I’d never tell anyone that night.