• “What if your friend told you their biggest secret?
    How long would you last before you told anyone?”

    A Long Kept Secret

    The day is Thursday 18th of June 2009 and as usual I was in my miniscule room, that couldn’t even hold enough space for some of the things I owned, talking to my friends from around the world via the means of MSN and AIM. While I was on my laptop searching for some virus protection software due to the fact my laptop was getting really slow and froze a lot, I got an Instant Message on MSN saying “Hi Scott” it was my good friend Sonia, Sonia as I only knew from pictures had Blonde Scene style hair, wore skinny jeans and what looked like medium sized shirts, she was also very pale skinned. I then jumped onto the seat in front of the laptop as I was going through my CD collection at the time and then I began to type back “Hey Sonia, how are you?” I then went back to my CD’s as I awaited her reply.

    “Never better” was her reply “How’s the weather in Sheffield?” my fingers were already hovering the keys so I could type immediately “The usual Lol!”
    “Hahaha… Which is?” replied Sonia quicker than I could move my hands away from the mouse, so I decided to type back before she could wonder where I got to “Cold, wet and miserable… Just near enough like my own life” I typed to her without even thinking about the last seven words I typed in that message. “Oh come on Scott! Your life can’t be that bad can it?” She had asked but before I could reply back she had already sent a message which said “And there’s something I should have told you, back when we we’re dating.” There was a long pause before I said anything back as memories of her began to flood and ravage my mind, she was great, perfect even, there were no arguments, we were really good together, but somehow I ended up falling for another someone who loved me before I met Sonia. “That was a different time Sonia I’m not so sure it matters anymore” I eventually replied
    “Well Scott I’m sorry to say but it does to me” she quickly snapped “UGH! I’ll tell you later, my brother wants to go on the computer bye” she continued. I wondered if Alex, Sonia’s brother was going to go online and talk to me also, after a few minutes of waiting I found that the answer to my question was no, so I uploaded some music to my laptop and played them.
    “Hiya Scott” an IM opened a while later, I checked the window and then begun to type “Hey Jos, how are you” I asked her
    “I’m pretty annoyed at this kid from school but other than that I’m good” replied Jos, just to let all you guys know Jos is an ex-girlfriend of mine whose name is short for Jocelyn. She lives in New Milford Connecticut so quite far away from me. “What happened?”
    “Scott it’s just some kid nothing for you to worry about” she answered
    “Are you sure?”
    “Yea very”
    “Ok Jos” I said then I closed her window box because quite frankly I didn’t have much care about her anymore due to the fact she has lied to my three times in all my nineteen years of life. When people lie to me I only give them three chances after the third chance then they have ultimately lost my trust in them. I could go through all the lies she’s told me but to be honest I don’t see the point all I can say is this rule applies to everyone even my own family, well all but one exception and her name is Taylor. Taylor the new found love that mentioned earlier and also I feel that I truly love her but I wish that I had found her before Sonia and Jos as she has shown me that I can be loved and cared for, she’s also made me feel more alive than anyone ever could. Like myself Taylor was Emo so we wear the usual Skinny Jeans, shirts with bands on them (such as Guns ‘N’ Roses, Iron Maiden and Alesana), Converse, wristbands/ jelly bangles, long hair as well as a few piercings and/or tattoos. With all these things swimming through my mind about Taylor I awaited her to come online so that my day can become happier until there was a shout from downstairs “Scott dinners ready.”

    I then typed “BRB, just having dinner” to Taylor just in case she appeared online while I was away then I rushed downstairs to eat and sta on my chair waiting for my food “SO Mom? What are we having?” I asked her
    “We’re having cheeseburger and chips” she said with smiles, while eating the meal my Mom had cooked a conversation broke out between us “So what have you been up to today?”
    “The usual Mom”
    “Okay and how is Taylor?”
    “She hasn’t come online yet but I assume that she’s good”
    “That’s good then” I finished my meal by the time she finished her last sentence “Yea, well I’ve finished now so I’m going back upstairs” I called as I was already on my way and out of my seat, as usual I didn’t eat everything then again I rarely do. “Don’t forget to wash your hands” my Mom reminded me
    “Will Do” I rose my voice just enough so she could hear me then I walked to the bathroom and to the cabinet above the sink and reached my hand above it to search for something the object wasn’t that hard to find as it was cold, small and very sharp after I gripped the item I held it close, it was my Razor Blade. Like many Emo’s I self-harm, using a sharp instrument upon myself in order to orchestrate my suffering so that I could replace emotional pain with physical pain as I would rather life with that than have a cold black nothingness eat away at my heart and soul. So I slipped off my wristband and plunged the blade to my wrist and carved across my wrist in horizontal fashion or as it’s commonly known as ‘Across the street’ between Emo’s and Goth’s and anyone else who has made a habit of cutting. I would never have gone ‘Down the road’ which was a vertical mark mostly those are for your final cut the one that will release your soul to Limbo after the gash was made it bleed a deep red like a thousand suns.

    I cleaned up my wound, washed the blade and hands then hid it back in its hiding place followed by covering the wound with my wristband as to not draw attention I never cleaned up as for some reason I preferred any blood to flow like the Rivers of Babylon. I walked to my room and resumed play of my music, the song was ‘Wake Up’ as done by a band called ***** Silence (It’s a Screamo band, look them up sometime) I thought the band name was ironic to like as I cut. I looked at my computer screen and there was a reply from Taylor which read “Okay Scott” my heart then skipped and filled with Joy and Happiness so I put on a big smile and replied back immediately with “I’m back Taylor smile .”

    “Yay!” was her next reply
    “I missed you”
    “So did I and I love you” she replied
    “I love you too Tay hehe” Tay or Tay Tay was like my pet name for her just as Scottybear was mine for her, as usual our conversation was long and we typed messages like ‘kisses you’ or ‘hugs you’ in-between hyphens or the little star symbol. While enjoying Taylor’s company (as usual) I realised that Sonia hasn’t come back yet like she said she would so I was a little worried about that but seeing as she’s halfway across the globe to me ‘later’ could mean ‘tomorrow’ me and Taylor continued our convo right up to our goodnights to each other, this was 3am my time and 11pm over in Rhode Island, where Taylor lives. I then laid in bed to let my mind whisk me off to dream land as I slept.

    The dream is the most weirdet I’ve ever had, I was running through a dark, dank, morbid and eerie forest and there were life threatening snarls and growls from tree to tree. One slip of a tree root and I feel into a mudded up puddle from where rain had once splattered as I turned around after getting the dirt from my eyes I saw a huge shadow loom over me and then lunge at my throat and from there I woke up. The time was around mid-day so I just went online skipping breakfast and there she was, Sonia.

    “Sonia where were you yesterday? You didn’t come back” I said as soon as I could type “I know I’m so sorry Scott I had to go out for a while too”
    “Oh, that’s okay then”
    “So I guess you want to know what I had to say?”
    “Yes Sonia I do”
    “Very well but I warn you, you won’t believe me”
    “Please? When have I never believed anything you said?”
    “Okay… well I’m… I’m a Vampire” she stuttered.