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Oh you are coming, coming, coming,
How will hungry Time put by the hours till then? -
But why does it anger my heart to long so
For one man out of the world of men?
Oh I would live in myself only
And build my life lightly and still as a dream -
Are not my thoughts clearer than your thoughts
And colored like stones in a running stream?
Now the slow moon brightens in heaven,
The stars are ready, the night is here -
Oh why must I lose myself to love you,
My dear?
- by AngeloNolasco_Thedude |
- High School Flashback
- | Submitted on 06/04/2009 |
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- Title: My Love poetry
- Artist: AngeloNolasco_Thedude
- Description: Are you ever coming back?
- Date: 06/04/2009
- Tags: love poetry
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Comments (2 Comments)
- Wegs - 07/19/2009
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I like it, for the most part. You're fairly consistent with the meter, and your rhymes aren't horribly cliche xD And you have a clear message. So that's good.
The last line throws me off, though. A sudden break in the meter. It's jarring-- maybe that's what you intended-- but for me, I wish it was the same length as the other lines... - Report As Spam
- The Owl Eyes - 07/14/2009
- ohh nice. i like it, well done smile
- Report As Spam