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Luna the fairy Queen, was a beautiful radiant figure. She glowed in the moonlight and radiated a beauty that most will never see. Luna was happy with her life and why shouldn't she be? She had everything or so she thought but she still felt so... empty. Her life bored her, there was no meaning to it. She began to wander through the forest each night in order to get away from the humdrum of her kingdom. She had been doing this for a couple weeks before she met him.
One night in the darkened forest, glowing with moonlight she came across a figure. It was just lounging on the forest floor. She didn't even realize that she was watching it until it suddenly looked up and saw her. She froze even though she was afraid and wanted to run. She could tell now that the figure was a boy, a very handsome boy. He walked up to her transfixed by her beauty. Luna was stunned by his grace but she finally managed to ask "Who are you?". His eyes lowered and he seemed to humble himself, like he didn't think he was worthy to even look at her.
"Daren", he mumbled still looking at his feet. They sat
together and talked for hours. The sun was rising and Luna had to return to her kingdom, "Will you meet me here again tonight?" she implored. He nodded and then with a quick kiss on her check fled into the depths of the forest.
Luna returned home with a burning feeling on her cheek. What was this feeling in her heart? The empty feeling that she held so long was being filled with something. She went out to meet him every night. They talked about almost everything, but Daren never mentioned his family and neither did Luna. As time went on Daren and Luna fell deeper and deeper in love with each other. Eventually Daren gave Luna a ring made from his own hair braided in a triple braid. One braid for each past, present, and future. Daren knelt on one knee and promised to love Luna forever when he presented this ring to her.
Daren was a strong person both physically and emotionally, but every time he left Luna for the day he felt weak. He feared losing her, little did he know that she feared the same thing. Luna's kingdom was in need of a king but she didn't wish to marry just anyone. She had only two weeks to marry and she had told no one in her kingdom of this boy she had fallen in love with. Daren's home life wasn't much better. His "father" was angry at him for always disappearing and returning home so close to sunrise. Neither told the other of their troubles at home. Those things just didn't seem important when Daren and Luna held each other.
Daren was always careful how close he got to Luna and she noticed the distance. It bothered her so she began closing the gap. As they fell deeper in love their nights became more passionate, but they both kept their virtue. When Daren began to kiss Luna more intently she loved it. He began at her lips and then moved down to her neck. Daren lost control; Luna never noticed how sharp Daren's teeth were until they bit into her neck, then it was too late.
Daren shot away from her as fast as he could, but it was too late she was already poisoned. Daren cursed himself for his stupidity and his guilt nearly killed him as Luna's physically pain was killing her. Although Daren wasn't sure if it was the right thing to do he knew it was his only choice. He couldn't let her die. So he had to change her, as Luna became a child of the night Daren apologized again and again. He felt so guilty for changing her from a beautiful gift of God's creation to a dark creature from the Devil's liar.
Luna didn't care that she had been changed, she loved Daren and that was all that mattered to her. She had to tell her kingdom everything and of course she told Daren too. His guilt only increased when he realized that he had nearly killed a queen, when he was not even worthy of cleaning her shoes. Daren told Luna the truth about his home as well. She found out that he was to be leader of his clan someday. So they decided to wed. At first Luna's fairy kingdom and Daren's vampire clan were outraged by the very idea of uniting, but they eventually saw the good in it. Besides Daren and Luna's love was to strong to argue against.Throughout all eternity their love never faltered. Luna and Daren remained together for the rest of eternity, ruling both Daren's clan and Luna's fairy kingdom.
- by Just Motions Without u |
- Non Fiction
- | Submitted on 10/27/2008 |
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- Title: Luna's Story
- Artist: Just Motions Without u
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Description:
The story of my avi Luna. ok yeah im retarded and had it in the wrong category sorry about that. :( I tried to revise it but i'm not sure if i made it any better or not
- Date: 10/27/2008
- Tags: lunas story
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Comments (4 Comments)
- angel of action - 10/29/2008
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There are still some grammatical issues, run-on sentences and punctuation mostly. Another tip, each time someone says something, start a new paragraph. But your story is getting better, little by little.
You have enough plot here to make a novella, at least! This story, right now, is fairly cliché. That is not bad, I adore using clichés, but their use has to be justified. You have to do something very original with them. But, you are open to constructive criticism, which gives me high hopes. - Report As Spam
- angel of action - 10/28/2008
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This is the non-fiction section, meaning stuff that's real, not fantasy.
You switch tenses and your grammar and punctuation need improvement. Also, your characters have no depth due to the length of the piece. You need to expand this, and give both characters more personality. Also, build the romance over time, and add a conflict of some form.
Romantic stories are actually, in my opinion, some of the hardest things to write well. Just keep working at it. - Report As Spam
- S-TAR ST UC KY - 10/27/2008
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I freakishly agree! that was totally awesome!
xD I loved it.. - Report As Spam
- Shiningpaw of ThunderClan - 10/27/2008
- Awesome!! Extend that a bit, and I will definitely read all of it!
- Report As Spam