• Things aren't the best of times. Sadness overcomes me for reasons that aren't really reasons. I was aware of the betrayal and throughly prepared for it, yet when it came I broke down against my will. Even as I knew others have had it much worse than I, I couldnt help but allow my eyes to leak out the pain I was feeling through salt and water. But that was past, It should not matter, yet just moments before I let myself go out of the silliest disturbance, some may declare it foolish, others may say it was childish. Even now I am too embarrased to recall the incident on this simple parchment.
    I remember...I remember when I used to withstand the biggest of problems with a simple shrug of my shoulders, now, it seems, I get weaker with every passing moment. I can not say I dont know how this corruption occured, for I know very well the source of my pain...and his name is that of which I cannot reveal...but I can still tell my story.
    I was in love and I thought it was great. My friends, having concerns for my happiness, always asked me if it was real, I thought it was, yet I could provide no answer when I was asked how it felt to be in love. Time has passed since then, and I feel I can at last provide a worthy answer that is also the truth and that of which I am so unfortunate to witness within myself. I dont know how he feels, maybe it is the same, maybe is is the complete opposite.
    Love to me, is a feeling unlike any other. There is trust, there is fear, There is that feeling of always wanting to with that certain guy, and when your not, you'd give anything to hear his voice, to know he's still there thinking of you. He may be the ugliest, most flawed person in the world, yet in your eyes, he is perfection, and in his, you are likewise. To kiss him, is to taste heaven and to hug him is to be engulfed in a warmth of comfort and understanding. The feeling is worthwhile and exhilarating.
    Then, I didnt understand why others were so afraid to fall in love. Why pass up a chance to feel at peace with one's self in a way unlike any other? It didn't make sense to me then. Now I understand their fear and pain. To be with love is amazing, but to lose it is a pain that is unbearable. Even worse to know it was all your fault and despite your best efforts, you still find yourself in love when he cares for you no longer. The pain...I dont think I describe it, but I will try anyway. It does not bother with your body or your head, but goes straight for the heart. The wound is like a stab, except that it is not physical, but this fact does not make the pain any more bearable. There are times when you feel as if all hope is lost. You feel like without that person, what point is there in living? No, its not suicidal, but it robs you of all happiness and sometimes, if only for a moment, you feel like, maybe physical pain would be better than what you already feel, But then the thought flits away as if it was never there. Even this meager explaination doesn't fully explain the pain and regret that I feel, and as the tears run down my cheeks, the pain burns in my heart, and I know that the only people who will understand me, are those who have been in my place. I know this mild description may not mean anything to you, but to me it is the world, it is my life. And under this mask of happiness I wear to shield my pain from others, lies my real self, and all the days that I put on that mask is not a real day, but a day lost. And so I can safely say I now understand those too afraid to fall in love, for in my Journey, I have become one of them.