• Although many believe that Marilyn Monroe died of an overdose, the truth is something much more sinister. In the early 1960s, Mrs. Monroe hatched a secret plot to become the first female president of the United States. Although it was clear she meant America no harm, a local coven of warlocks looking into their timecrystals foresaw that if Marilyn Monroe became president, she would inadvertently destroy the bioengineering plant where Barack Obama was currently being grown. This would lead to John McCain becoming the 44th president of the United States. This presented a problem, as John McCain looks kind of like a Rugrats character, and that would be rather embarrassing for our country. Therefore, the warlocks reasoned, if Marilynne Monroe could be prevented from breathing, she would therefore be prevented from running for president.