• i'm alive when it rains. i jump on the wet garden grass and run around with eyes closed, pelting water. then i dive into the pool in my clothes, and my mom wont scold me because she knows my hapiness wont last. When the dim clouds disappear, i go back, dripping with water and unwanted tears. i frustrate myself, make loud and sad noises from my room as i recall whatever it is that made me ruin myself. then i curse myself. im on the carpet, legs entwined with his. i remember smiling at him and wanting to see the same smile from him in return. but none. nothing. just cold eyes digging into mine, searching or telling me something. yes i know. this isnt right. and thats what's slowly killing me.

    his eyes lie. his eyes dont betray him. they show whatever he wanted them to. but i know more than that. his lips and how love and his kisses push me to fragility in them. i see the truth, but only when theres no light and i know it is real. he denies it everytime. but we both know its there--and its real .