My broken soul's memorys

• Artist: a_broken_soul_4_life
• Description: I have now lost 2 brothers and a friend so close to me he was like a brother to me. I miss him lots and I wish every day that I have kept my promise and called him like I said I would..... Now it's to late so I dedicate this poem to all thoughs whom have died.... I love you all and miss you tariboly.
• Date: 06/28/2009
• Tags: broken souls memorys sorrow pain

Someone goes to sleep....
They lay silentaly in there bed....
A seazer comes at 2:31 AM....
And now they are dead.....

A family goes camping....
They go to bed...
A fire starts in there tent...
All servive but one is dead....

A dragon sits and meditats....
It's brother comes wanting it's heart....
They start a fight...
Nothing is left but A body torn apart....

All thoughs men whom have died.....
Were all my family....... My brothers....
One a year ago.... the others this month....
And I will be lost if there is another.....

I have a broken soul.....
And it will never be fixed....
I now live in darkness......
Forever to be killed by stixs....

Comments

[rocko11091]

interesting...brings many questions to mind, and answers few of them...but in poetic terms....good poem...again..i refuse to asses it from a subject standpoint, so i will from a poetic stand point....minimal metaphors, decent imagery, simple rhyme scheme...

Concept: 3/5
Style: 3/5
Flow: 2.5/5
Fig. Lang./Imagery: 1.5/5
Overall: 2.25/5 (2)

[CoolChaos]

crying

[tootrexxx]

so sad...
its beautiful though...4/5
ps plz read and comment on my poetry 2