• Sometimes you get these images in your mind, that form themselves from whisps and fragments of emotions, or odd one-off feelings that linger a little longer then they usually do. And they begin to get attracted to one other, particle by particle, they collide and adhere and form these whole scenes that envelop my mind. Of things that might happen, or things that have happened, or things that happened elsewhere. I’m not entirely sure, I get confused. And it merges and shapes me into these awkward moods, attached to these broken thoughts and fractured words and phrases. Last night, or tonight, I have this one scene that repeats itself. What these motions are telling me. I want to be online at 1am, crouched and bent over with my head over my computer desk, sobbing, watching the screen blur out before my eyes, and having tears flood out with that morose chime and I want those sad sorry thoughts that belong in gutters to flood my mind. I want to sit there waiting for that flash of hope, that amber glow that signifies my defeat. I want to phone you up at 2am and ramble on about nothing at all. I want to be clutching the phone in my hands in a clawed motion and I want to be sobbing into it, or yelling the words for you hear exactly what I’m thinking. I want my words to slur and blur themselves into incoherent sentences and I want to apologize a million times over for wasting your time, for talking to you so late in the night. And I want you to say that you actually understand everything I’m trying to say, and I want you to tell me that actually, it’ll be alright. Or I want to be out at 3am, with you dragging me around in those places we usually hang around in. I want to be wasted and falling apart at the seams, with me clearly acting irrationally and you understanding exactly what it means. I want to get away with not caring and whispering things I’m not meant to say. I want to get away with kissing you on the cheek repeatedly, and telling you how much I love you and how I wouldn’t be here today if you ever went away. I want you to be half carrying me home and I want you to ignore my giggling. And when I start to sob, and the tears start to well up in my eyes, and I want you to just tell me that I just need to make it through the night.