The Rose

• Artist: PurpleCalalily13
• Description: This was my first poem i wasnt forced to write. I showed it to my parents and 5they love it but i want to see wat you gaia peeps think.
• Date: 09/16/2011
• Tags: rose

Vibrant are its petals, red as blood.
Sharp are its thorns, like the blade of a knife.
It lies with silent beauty, gorgous in the moonlight.
Dormant it stands, as soft winter falls.
Proud it blossoms, alone in its open clearing.
The flower of love, a symbol of passion.
Like a feather, it dances gracefully in the wind.
Its fame grows, rising to the top.
Each petal a promise, then breaks and falls.
The flower of death, layed atop the fallen.
Dark is its history, marked by tragedy.

Comments

[inking the world]

This seemed to end too suddenly. But I really like the end how you go from love to tragedy. It would have been great if you built more upon that. Over all good for a first poem keep it up smile

[sarkadark]

Not great, but not bad for a first effort. You're smart to look for opinions from people other than your parents, who are biased toward you and prone to encourage rather than critique. Try to use more concrete terms, as opposed to vague descriptors like "gorgeous."