Breathless Pyre

• Artist: Newtons Absolutes
• Description:
• Date: 07/31/2012
• Tags: inspiration moon smoke fish

Moon kerosene slipped as smoke
pricked by lux threads of stars
glinting and glugging from that celestial spigot
to men agape with gagged fish mouths skyward
and through gills passed sparks enough
but upon empty lungs and ribs the flow pressed
thumbing out an internal inferno

Comments

[Idiosyncratic Quirk]

This is an interesting poem. I think the message is that men ruin the majesty of nature. We're curious but not open to the mystery of it all. We snub it out when we have to label it something.
Shoot me a PM if I'm close to what you meant.

As for a criticism, I have to say that this would have been more powerful with a little punctuation. The reader doesn't know where to pause. Line breaks aren't breath breaks.
I give this poem a 5

Keep writing Guy