i must have done something wrong. xp but yeah... for once i'm taking a few min. to talk about how i really feel... like i donno; i really like this 32 year old. and i know for a fact he likes me. but there are rumers making me look like a slut for it when i know my standars and i know the amount of control i have... and the one person i feel like i can confide in isn't really talking to me... I'm joining the air force! there! i said it! i came out of the closit to the rumors! yes i know i'm young and i should hate war and all that. not to mention i'm gay! but i'm not doing it cuz i have to do it. i'm doing it cuz i want to do it! and i donno if the 32 year old is gonna stay with me when he finds out. i dont expect him to. just like he dosn't expect me to stay with him if i find out he has a nasty STD or something... and i plan to before we have sex... he treats me good. he dosn't pressure me to have sex... i know! IM 19!!! i know i have nothing else to offer him but he dosn't want that from me... at least thats what he told me. now more then ever my morals and my standards are being tried. and all of you are making me mad!!! he has so much to teach me about myself. things i've always wanted to learn! i don't know where i come from and he does! he has something i've been looking for this whole time! we're both mormon, we're both samoan. through him i can really know what/ who i am. >__< gah! but more than anything i want more then anything i'm doing this all for... i want someone to talk me out of it... i want someone to tell me i'm wrong... wrong to join the military... wrong to quit school... wrong to try this relationship out... i want to not regret it... i want to not be so scared about whats going to happen to me... i want a companion in all of this. i want Wade, and Zak, and Philip... i want someone who i cared for so much to just care for me... i dont want to be the only one caring... and i dont want him to be the only one caring for me...
 Kaporie · Thu Oct 25, 2007 @ 04:56pm · 0 Comments |
