I need to say this before I kill myself (I won't).....the reason why I'm sad (and listen up all 4 of you) is because of my parents.....they're the reason for me wanting to end this....they're the reason why I cry so much,why I want to run away from here.....why I just feel alone and empty......I'm a different person when I'm with them....I can't stand them,every dinner it feels like a torture...thats why I hate eating so much,I always feel like an argument will break out when I'm with them eating ,maybe thats why every time I eat I act weird but I do feel it...that coldness....every night....I hate being near them,I hate everything from this place and I usually feel as if I'm living in a nightmare......it's funny......I doubt anyone would understands what its like......to feel as if your nothing more than a dream that came true and has served its purpose and now its useless......thats how I feel....useless.....and I hate myself for letting them make me so weak.....and I hate myself for making people worry and for being such an idiot.....I wish I were stronger....strong enought to not let them get to me but I'm not....I'm weak....the only true happiness that I feel is when I realise that someone cares for me *hint*.....and I would hate myself alot more if I knew that I could hurt them.....I really don't want to hurt anyone but I'm afraid that its only a matter of time before I do.
it's funny...most people think they're parents don't like them but I know mine don't....they were the ones who made me feel even as if I were invisible.....its an awfull feeling......even when people are talking to you,you still feel as if your invisible.....like a ghost.....I've been feeling that way lattely....just like before..........they're the ones to blame really......they're the ones who made me this way.
 yamiruri · Tue Jun 28, 2005 @ 10:35pm · 0 Comments |
