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KITTY,THIS IS A WARNING
IF YOU READ THIS POST THEN IT BETTER BE WITH ME ON THE PHONE,IF YOU DON'T WAIT TILL WE TALK THEN I'LL......I DON"T KNOW WHAT I'LL DO BUT I'LL BE MAD.
I know that I shouldn't be writting this here but......I don't know...it just feels like it belongs here instead of the other journal *sigh*.
the first dream.....I remember that I was in a cold place.....there was snow everywere and I was trying to look for nature.....at first hazel was helping me but then yami and ruriko took over....we were calling her name but she was nowhere to be found.....we finally found a hotel and thought that maybe she was there...so we whent inside.....it was warmer and there was a hot spring we looked everywhere until we got to the hot spring....the place was packed with hot guys and girls....I blushed and left the place....we were still trying to find her but we never found her....yet all the time I could feel her...I knew that she was somewhere near but.....
the second dream was mostly dedicated to kitty.....I had my head resting on her lap (I though that it was vampi at the time) and she was playing with my hair,I didn't care....I was falling asleep anyways and she wasn't helping me by running her hands through my hair....but it sure felt nice -^_^- ......before I fall asleep I grab her hand and put it on to of my chest....I could feel her warmth.....she asked me what I was doing and then realised that it was kitty....I could tell she was smiling at me even though I had my eyes closed....but when she asked me that I woke up right away.....I left the room....I remembered that I had promissed my parents that I was going to go to this family dinner with them.....sure enough everyone was there.....my two brothers (which is a shock 'cause they hate each other with a passion),both of my parents.....and the brat....mom ordered a blue moon....and by the time it got to the table both of my brothers had left...I myself had wondered off somewhere and got back in time to try it....it tasted great and for the rest of the day in real life all I wanted to do was drink and get waisted....but didn't.....should have though but didn't......so,I tryed her drink and then left her with father and the child....we were on the second floor and our table was overlooking the entrances to different nightclubs and shops....the place in itself felt familiar and I think I've been there before in another dream were I again was trying to find them but couldn't......me and yami (it was to late for the other two.....they were asleep),were looking everywhere for kitty...we knew she was there we could feel it....but we didn't call out her name,it would have looked weird with all the people around....we walked for a while looking everywhere until yami spots this group of girls that she said were friends of ours....I had never seen them before and before I knew what happened she locked me up.....by the time I come back to my sences I see aymi saying goodbye to the girls and we are walking away....but then she turns arouns and says she forgotten something,so we go back.....she walks up to this girl the had some piercing and stuff and tries kissing her on the lips but the girl moves away quickly saying that she wasn't gonna fall for that one again....again?! I ask her......she tells me that she had done it too many times to count.....I remember telling myself that I might as well concider this as yami's day to have fun......all the time I felt that kitty was near but we couldn't see her...we couldn't find her....yami I keeped looking for her,thats when yami told me that I should give up...that came as a shock to me 'cause yami loves those three as much as I do but then she tells me that while I was away she was looking for her.....she had gone through all the stores,through different hidden places as well but she didn't find her.....I was sad.....and then I woke up.
the third dream......vampi's dream......that was scary now that I really think of it.....I was in this dark room,there were stairs behing me......the entrance to that room was like one of those underground graves that I loved as a child...I still love them.....they look so pretty.....anyways,the room was verily lit by one or two candles (yet I could see perfectly) and infront of me there was this man....he was a vampire,he looked as if he was on his thirties and he was smiling at me....looking at me as if I were a new toy.....I wasn't afraid of him and I could sence vampi's presence in the room...it was strong....she was close and I was going to find her....I looked at the man with an angry expression while he just smirked back.....apparently he was pleased that I was so pissed.....I asked him were vampi was and he said that I was never going to see her again,that he was going to be my new master and that she was dead....at first I was shocked but I didn't let him see it...I keep looking at him as if I was ready to kill him......I told him that it wasn't true....and that he was never going to be my master....he was pleased at my answer.....he loved the way I was so pissed...I was going over to were he was 'cause I wanted to hurt him as much as possible but then from the corner of my eye I see a coffin.....I could feel vampi......she was in there....she was in that coffin.....he was the one now that lookied pissed as if he knew what was going throught my mind.....he probably did....I started to walk over to the coffin all the while thinking that I could find kitty and nature if I got vampi by my side......I was so happy.....finally I was going to have them back,all three of them....he stood up from the chair he was sitting in and walked torward the coffin as well.....he was walking faster....I could almost touch the lid of it....he was so far behind........I could feel vampi....she was there,she was going to wake up if I just open it,she was going to be ok.....my fingers almost touched it....the father wakes me up sweatdrop I was so close.
the dream that I had last night......that was bad.....I was in this castle and I was wearing this gown....I could feel them again...all three of them this time and I was sure that I was going to find them.....I walked and walked looking inside many doors until I reach a tiny room with a bed and a telephone and a girl sitting in a stool stiching......I seemed to have known her yet I've never seen her before.....I sit on her bed and she tells me after a couple of minutes that I have a call....I think to myself "finally,it's kitty...now I can ask were she is and I'll see her soon"...I was so happy.....I grab the phone and my heart is pounding so fast.....I say hello and then........I hear her...I was so shocked.....it wasn't my kitty or nature or vampi......I wanted to cry.......it wasn't her,it was her,I thought that I was never going to hear her voice again....a tear makes its way down my cheek not because I missed her but because it wasn't vampi....or kitty...or nature that was on the other end.....I was so sad.......but she wasn't mad at me.....she tells me that she loves me and my words to her are cold......I didn't want to talk to her...I felt like I could miss kitty's call if I stayed on the phone for to long....I don't even pay attention at what she's saying and before we hag up she tells me that she loves me and that she missed me so much.....my answer to her was 'right' then I hang up.....the girl that had hand me the phone looks at me worried and I leave the room before she can ask to many questions....I go outside to the garden...it was nighttime and there was a fog everywhere...I couldn't feel them anymore...I felt empty and cold myself.....the gardeners looked at me as I walked past them and then I wake up.
I can't believe I hear her voice......I....don't....want....her......I'm getting annoyed at this.......I hope she's not doing any of the old stuff that she used to do.
in other news....I was talking to my brother's girlfriend not too long ago and this is a big thing 'cause everyone that knows me knows that I don't like her at all infact I think of her as a mindless bimbo thats trying to sound and act smart (and I'm being kind here)...why was I talking to her?*sigh* mother needed her away for a couple of minutes so she could do something without being interrupted so she send me to talk to her (thank you SO much mom)....so guess what happened....by the time that I said 'ok,I have to go 'cause I was writting something' she was desperate enough to grab my wrist and hold me back and force me back to the couch
me:*twich*
her:starts talking again about how much my brother has helped her and how she wished they could talk to each other more
me:*twich*&_&...*inside my mind* RA!!! SHUPT UP!!!! I don't CARE about your damn problems....*outside*looking at the tv and nooding and sayin right whenever I thought the word should fit in her entire conversation.....but then it got trickier 'cause she was forcing me into a conversation....so I decided to take the opportunity and ask questions and try not to look to annoyed....which worked like a charm.....most of the time I can mask my feelings really well and most people don't know the real me *smirk*....ofcourse for some ra forsaken reason,that doesn't work with the persons that I need to use it the most sometimes (yes kitty that would be you).....ra damn it,right?I'm actually good at hidding my emotions from annyone but no.....I can't hide them from them....I guess thats a great thing since it bothers her when I do try and hide things....damn it,they broke throught my deffenses...I'm so weak V_V.......whatever,so by the time the conversation got to musshy I told her that she was getting annoying and that she made me want to vomit with that stuff....I made to leave again but it happened again.....by the time I actually left...she had said "I love you SO much"
me: eek ....it made me stop then I thought to myself 'what the heck,I'll humor myself with this one'...so I turned around and said in a mocking voice I 'oh how cute,I'm luff',then I turn and started walking again and she said "you're not as bad a person as you let yourself be seen in"...I stoped again turned around and this time ina annoyed tone I saidto her "DON'T YOU EVER DARE SAY THAT TO ME AGAIN!!!!!" then I walked again.
anyone that knows me knows that I'm NOT a good girl.
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I am so mad at myself.....yes,I've been talking to ruriko......and she makes me want to just kill myself,which she's right I should 'cause she's right in so many things......I wish I hadn't answered the call....I probably made her worry....>_<grrr.....I SO hate myself for so many reasons right now,I wish I hadn't made that promisse......but I did and I don't want to break it......*sigh* I can't take this anymore.....ruriko keeps reminding me of everything and I'm so frustrated right now and....*sigh* I want to bang my head on a wall for atleast an hour (since I can't cut myself)......I hate everything (side effect from talking to that woman),I hate everything right now,,,,,,all I want is to hide in a dark room with a knife.....you do the ******** math.
why do I talk to her?how the hell should I know.....she's the one that starts talking and won't shut up.......I hate the damn ideas she gives me.....I hate her sugestions......and yes I wish I could punch someone right now.........*sigh*ok,I'm a bit calmer right now.....but I still hate myself.........maybe I should just......no...no no no ....I can't let her.....I won't let her win this time.....*sigh* and as if this wasn't bad enought mother has just asked one of those questions that I wish she would keep to herself (and they wonder why I'm so ******** up).....I can't go back to my room 'cause I know that it'll drive me insane....maybe I should take a walk,bye and if I don't return....don't worry,that will just mean that I made it to the place I wanted to be at when I was a child.
*****
and I'm back ^_^....but I'm still mad at myself for not being able to hide the fact that I was angry while I was talking to kitty.....I can't believe she thought I was mad at her,thats funny.....ruriko sure was mad at her though...she keeped saying that she ruined her plan..... sweatdrop she had ten minutes to remind me of EVERYTHING that would normally made me depressed (yes,she has taken it upon herself to continue hazel's job since hazel is temporarily taking a vacation).....so....thats it....no cuts on myself....didn't hurt anyone (thanks mom for getting the hint that I needed to leave this place).
 yamiruri · Wed Jul 27, 2005 @ 08:04pm · 0 Comments |
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