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The Life and Mind of DamnBlackHeart
This is to help me stay actively writing. So expect to see rants, tips on writing, thoughts on subjects, me complaining of boredom, reviews, anime, movies, video games, conventions, tv shows and whatever life throws at me.
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I started thinking about it. And sadly I've come to a conclusion that I wish weren't true but it is. But even if I knew the truth now I still wanted to be sure about it. So, I decided to ask my friend if she ever experience a friend abusing her friendship, and she said yes. I asked her how did she realize it and she said that when she asked for help, they couldn't ever provide it, even though she would always help them.
It seems that there is more then one way for a friend to abuse friendship.
And I at first wasn't aware of it but as it went on I've come to suspect that was happening to me, only at a different level. It was from the help of another close friend that I've come to realize that I wasn't off in thinking that either. It made me sad...to know that a friend is taking advantage of my niceness. It's even harder when it's a close friend too. It's going to be even harder for me to tell them that. But I had too, this can't keep going and it's only going to hurt me at the end.
They are making me feel used. Like I'm only there so they can have an excuse to do what they really wanted to do. And sadly, that's exactly what it is. I've always felt like the third wheel, like an extra. I feel alone even though they are there. It may have been better if I had another friend with me. They could have distracted me, keep me from being lonely. Really, sometimes I ask myself, "why did I say yes?". They are better off without me around. That way, they wouldn't have to watch out for me. They wouldn't have to waste their time to take me home or pick me up. And I wouldn't feel so used or second best at the end of the day.
Ugh, being with a friend should make me feel included, not isolated. That is something a friend of mine said. And it's true. When I'm around them sometimes I feel happy but somehow it always manages to become messed up by something they do or say. And I go back to feeling useless, invisible, bored...
And it's becoming more apparent that they are using me. And they are becoming selfish by ignoring me, once my time with them are over. And they only come to me when they need something, either because they are bored and want someone to talk to or because they need an excuse. It seems that there is always a reason for them to come to me. It's like I'm only they for their convenient and because of that they take advantage.
Why? Because I'm always nice. I don't say anything that hurts my friends. I'm such a helpful person with a lot of patience. Therefore, for some people they keep that in mind, knowing that, "this nice person is easy to manipulate". But for some they just take it for granted and abuse the friendship without one single thought of the other person.
I know this can't keep going and I've tried to tell them this. But how the hell can one person have a decent conversation with them if they are always distracted, always away for hours? I need to tell them face to face because then I know they won't disappear on me when I need to tell them something. It just sucks that when they need something I'm always there, but when I need something from them...it's just brings me more trouble and makes me annoyed.
The point of me writing this is to let my thoughts, my feelings about it out. And maybe for those that read this to know that friends can sometimes abuse friendship. That you have to let them know and not pretend that you're fine. Really, this isn't something that should be ignore because the only person it hurts is you. In this case, it's just hurting me because I'm letting it continue.
 DamnBlackHeart · Fri Jan 30, 2009 @ 09:47pm · 2 Comments |
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