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Okay. So. The past 3 weeks i've been living with my mom, even tho i always have lived with my dad. It's been really great to get away from my dad's abuse and my brothers issues. (( i have 2 other older bros tet mooch from meh dad )) Having to go back makes me feel like crying or breaking down, or atleast something. I cant stand being there. I get so stressed. The other night i had to stay an hour at my dad's place so he could drive me to my highschools orenantation and junk, and i had fallen asleep in my room, with the door closed. When i woke up, my brother was standing in my bedroom doorway, just. staring at me. I felt like getting up and punching him in his face. I'm so ******** tired of sexual harrassment. Or crap like that. And so, I bid my mom and my perfect, happy lifestyle with her adue* saturday, on Valentines Day. (( i'm going back to meh dad then )) *sigh*
And to social matters. I've been exteremly hung out in my heart lately. I've been really happy with meh mom, but i just have been missing the loved one's in my life to much to be completely happy. At school, my couscler found out about my deep dark secret that only my close friend Ridge and Nick know about. She called the Sexual Assualt Corp. and now shes going to force me to talk about the (R***) in councling. I cried my eyes out at school becuase i was terrified that my councler was going to tell my parents, and they are the last people i want to know. B'cuz, i know, for a fact, if my dad found out, he'd scream at me, like it was my fault, and i already have issues with that kindof matter. And my mom wants me to tell her, she swears she won't tell ANYONE and really keep it to herself, but i'm so so so, so very uterly and completely, ashamed. I've never felt shame b4, not ever in my life, but now, this feeling is suffocating. I can't stand it, and i know coming out with the truth won't make me feel any less ashamed so theres no point in blabing my mouth off about it. The whole issue is really bothering me. And speaking of which, I've been so stressed out and just needing someone. And i've tried to call ALL of my friends, but no one answers any more. Is everyone trying to avoid me or something? What did i do? I wish i could just call some one i love, and be reassured with the comfort from their voice. I miss everyone so much lately. And i'm not completely sure why.
 forcing myself 2b social · Fri Feb 13, 2009 @ 01:49am · 2 Comments |
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