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"If you love all and think all is as it seems, it can only lead to heartache and disappointed dreams."
Found that in my phone a while back, and I'm glad I decided to keep it. Well, I'm not quite sure what to say, so I guess I'll just wing it, as they say.
Disappointed dreams. Happens to everyone, right? Well, unless they've been living in a cave (or under a rock... whichever expression you like to use) for most of their lives! Well, I'm sorry if your dream was for me to keep updating my journal, 'cause I've got a tendency to neglect it during my trade cycle. You see, what happens is, because I'm in Electronics, I've get to use BOTH sides of my noggin! (Both sides: not literal. Kinda metaphorical, if you know what I mean by that.) What really goes on inside most (if not everyone's) minds is two major mind-sets: Engineering and Artistic. Some people use more of one side than another in a daily basis, and that's perfectly normal, along with being mostly in one mind-set.
I, on the other hand, (which occurs for many as well) is I change between the two due to my schooling. Every once in a while, (about 15 schooldays) I'll switch cycles, going from trade to academics and vice-versa. During my trade cycle, I'm stuck in Engineering mode, meaning I can hardly write without it coming out REALLY weird. (Speaking of which, gotta remind myself to rewrite some drafts I did during the last cycle... a part of which I posted in WF, so if y'all are curious, feel free to look at the rediculous-ness of it.) So, since academics is another cycle, kinda makes sense for me to be in Artistic mode, no? Well, I just switched back to academics again, so gimme a little space, will ya?
Gotta be Somebody. Song by Nickelback. I highly recommend it, or rather, the lyrics of the song. Kinda hits close to home, if you know what I mean. The song pretty much talks about soulmates, or whatever you'd like to call it. (Special someone, perhaps?)
I'll just go over some personal issues first, and we'll see where we go from there. (Yeah, sorry for the lengthy entry... I've had some stuff floating around in my head for a while.)
It came apparent to me a couple weeks back, when I realized that I was not alone. Sounds pretty weird, I realize, but hear me out on this.
We've all got a feeling, deep down, that we fear that we are alone, whether or not that feeling is very prominent, depends on the person. But, for me, I kept that feeling deep down, hardly recognizing that it was there. Sure, when I found it, I felt kinda weird, and sure, I cried. I cried for hours. (Feel free to call me a wuss; I'm already aware that I am.) What brought up these emotions was not just any ol' conversation, but a deep one, one that I had greatly needed, little did I know. With the exception of this journal here, I hardly say what's on my mind, or how I feel. Sure, you might think I'm doing alright, and I might even be able to make you believe that. Well, chances are, the small part of me, the real me whose a complete coward, is tucked away in a corner, crying, not because she's "emo", but because she knows what lies ahead, and she doesn't want to embrace it.
But there's also the matter of who I was talking to. I'm not going to mention names, but what I will say that this man is very special to me. You can insult me all you want, (I'll just brush it off and ignore it, so I wouldn't suggest you try... I'm not that fun to make fun of) but what I suggest is to not even lay a finger on him. Not because I'm a jealous person, but because I wouldn't be able to bear to see him hurt, in any way. I hurt him once, when I was seeking "therapy" (long story, so I suggest you don't ask), and when I found out that I had hurt him, it literally tore me up. Sure, you can call me melodramatic, but the past is the past, and there is nothing we can do to change it, no matter how much we don't like it.
Everyone has a story. Which is kinda nice to know, but it's even better to hear them, no matter how weird, painful, or gleeful it is. But, the most important part, is to learn to put the past behind you, no matter the cost. Like I keep saying, it's unhealthy to dwell on the past. Both physically and psychologically. I came up with a quote several years back, which applies to both a literal concept and a metaphorical. "If crap happens, flush the toilet." Don't worry, I'll explain a bit, this way your brains don't hurt from not just reading, but actually THINKING!
The literal concept. Okay, so it's a little awkward to explain. "If it's yellow, let it mellow, if it's brown, flush it down." Old quote. But hey, it works.
The metaphorical concept. Alright, so crap happened in your past, and you can't get over it. Everyone has tough times, but just because you think you're doing the worst, doesn't mean you are, or even alone, for that matter. In order to change yourself around, you need to "flush the toilet", or rather, put the past behind you. I know, I know, easier said than done. But you can trust me in the fact that no matter how bad you think you are, there is always who has been in your position, if not worse. I may be young, but I've been around the block a few times. I should know.
Now, it's probably come to question as to WHY I do these journal entries. Sure, some of them are pretty pointless, but I do have meaning to these, if only you can see what lies beyond the words, and into the true meaning. (Yes, it's kinda like each journal entry is a short story, and I've got a moral behind each and every one of them... well, almost. There are some exceptions.) I look around at the people around me, and what do I see? Ignorance. Fear. And it is because of the ignorance that causes the fear. Let's face it: we all truly fear that which we do not understand. And then I saw people trying to help, but the youth would not listen, because the youth felt as though the wise did not understand their situation. Well, I'm here to say that the youth are wrong when it comes to that! Whatever you think you have done that is new, chances are, it's been thought of before, if not done before. (Unless... you're in a special field that didn't exist before and coming up with new concept designs and whatnot... but that's one of the very few exceptions.) So, I kinda figured, if the youth won't listen to the wise, would they listen to one their own age? Well, yeah, it's pretty true! I enjoy being able to reach out to kids who are struggling, or rather, think they are struggling, and help them through their troubles and let them see the light.
It goes almost without a doubt that because of who I am and what I have done that I have been "savior" to many, the lit candle in a dark path for many more. And I'd like to be able to keep that list growing, regardless of the fact that I don't know who or where you are. Those details are meaningless. It's YOU in your entity that matters. You don't get to choose your name, you don't get to choose where you come from (nest-wise, not your current residence if you no longer live in your "hometown" or where you grew up.)
Oh, and as I was typing this, another point came across. My username.
Well, for those who might be in the slightest bit curious, I've had my username since the summer of '07, and I don't plan on changing it any time soon. I had gotten this username after reading "The Alchemyst" by Michael Scott, and soon after I had changed my name, Gaia had introduced the book. (I kid you not! I came before the book here on Gaia!) So, yes, my username is INDEED a spin-off of the book title, but not quite. "Thee Alchemyst" is who I am and who I wish I could be entwined in one being. (Go figure.) Oh, and those who keep wanting to say "you're spelling alchemist wrong!" well, guess what? I'm not wrong! (And I'm not saying that you're wrong, either.) By having a "Y" in the name, it changes the word "alchemist" into the older term, "alchemyst". (So I use "Ye Olde English", okay? Seriously, instead of saying "thank you", it often comes out "I thanketh thee." wink So, yes, both ways of spelling the word are indeed correct. [If you need another example of two different spelling differentiations of the same word, take "color" and "colour", or "favorite" and "favourite", or "blond" and "blonde", or "behavior" and "behaviour", etc.]
Well, I think this is good enough, don't you?
-From Gaia's Half-Insane Writer to you~
 Thee Alchemyst · Thu Mar 05, 2009 @ 03:15am · 0 Comments |
