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Me is here to type, so I shall type. I don't know if it will be anything good, so, let's see what's on my mind shall we?
I hate myself . . .
Yeah that figures. But it's for a good reason this time. I just forgot the reason, but it was a good reason.
So yeah, as you all know, I've been really depressed lately. I've been drug into her realm and she's taken me captive and refuses to let me go. She says she doesn't want me to be happy . . . but I guess something has put a fault in her plan.
My boyfriend.
He's so amazing, but he's had to suffer the most from this, and won't take anymore. He told me just yesterday, no sugar coating, everything was clear to me that I've been sitting so high-and-mighty within my world, thinking everything was perfect, I got depressed in the real world (whatever that is) and had pushed a lot of people away and just . . . sulked. She took me in and bound me with chains so tight I bled. My boyfriend tried everything, but then after a while of seeing no improvement, gave up. I cried yesterday after hearing all he had to say and noticed I was the criminal of this scene.
She was stunned, she thought no one would push this far; she figured everyone would forget about me. But the chains around me started to loosen as I confessed. So many people had tried to fix me, but I felt like I wasn't broken, and their words went untouched. I was blind. And I'm sorry to everyone. Everyone who had to deal with me, everyone who tried to help; I'm sorry.
After much talking and love, she left. But I know she'll come back one day; she never gives up. I have such weak defenses and she penetrates them so easily -.-
But anyways, I've had a few talks with friends about my exhausting attitude; I got the same answer each time (confidential). So I said, ". . .Wow, I've screwed myself over big time . . ."
So . . . I'm done. I give up, I surrender. I've killed myself, my friends, my boyfriend. I'm done.
I've given up, not completely, just on making others hurt. Sooo . . . I'm trying again, on that promise that failed. But I have to find a motive to start me out . . . could take me a while, might not. I guess we'll find out.
 Olive_the_Monkey_Ninja · Wed Jan 18, 2006 @ 03:42am · 0 Comments |
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