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Terrible, horrible.
Indeed I am.
Sorry for all the things that I have done.
All the things I cannot take back.
All the things I may or want to do.
Love is an insanity.
It makes people do horrible, terrible and selfish things.
Even if in the end doing all this was pointless.
All it will do is cause us both more pain.
Putting me in an even worse position than you.
Because I never had him.
You did....
And I never may.
The one time I tried to take that love with both my hands,
I tripped and couldn't catch my fall.
Making me fall flat on my face.
I want to tell you, I want to say sorry.
I don't mean to make you upset.
I don't mean to make you sad, not in any way.
But, you're not the only one who want's to be happy.
You're not the only one who ever loved him.
It's.....
Unfortunate, indeed.
But things never do go as planned.
It's a pitty really, that both of us are so weak.
More so myself, knowing what would become of me.
Of everything.
Knowing it would end bad.
And still holding on to that faint glimmer of hope.
So stupid.
Really, I am.
I always run into the same damn wall.
Everytime splattering more blood.
Why can't we break away?
Love is a drug.
Wonderful at first...
....Then....
..............Addicting
..............Harmful
..............Life changing, possibly distructing
.....Leading to nothing but pain, really...
Even weed, that seem's like it would be the harmless one...
...It rips you apart.
Taking all you have.
Breaking all you are.
You have nothing left.
What now?
Now it rains.
Shitty co-dependancy.
Stupid pathetic humans.
Damned drug called love.
Love can be the most destructive thing in the world.
Forget ******** hate.
I'm sorry I ended up lieing to you in the end.
Sorry I'm hurting you.
I'm a horrible friend.
I'm sorry I probably lost your trust.
I'm sorry if I really did and you won't be able to trust me anymore.
I'm sorry if you think I'm doing what carrie did.
I'm not trying to, I'm not meaning to, I'm sorry.
I'm sorry all I can do is say sorry.
********. /:
I really do think, soon as I get a car I'll leave and never come back.
Such an option is looking better and better everyday.
To tell the truth, before I knew you even I liked him.
Before you knew him.
Before I even ended up knowing what I wanted.
I you know, it didn't matter after the school year ended.
I didn't see him again until a little while before the two of you started dating.
I liked him again alot then.
When you started dating I was jeleous.
Incredibly so.
I almost hated you.
I liked you both and you took the two people I had wanted for so long away from me.
Right then, the same time.
I thought you were so cruel, but...
How could I call you cruel for wanting someone?
For wanting to be happy?
I was the real cruel one....for thinking that...
I was jeleous even after you broke up,
Because in the end it was like you were still together.
You still had what I wanted.
And part of that was you.
When the opportunity came up,
even then, after so long, so much waiting and wanting, you know,
I still hesitated. Because of you.
I don't hate you.
But in the end I couldn't resist.
When you want something for so long like that.
When it just comes at you head on all that's left to do is catch it, before it hits you in the face.
It's like a life line being trown at you.
Would you rather drown?
Being in the state I was I would have.
I tried to tell you, though it was only implied.
I didn't have the guts to tell you.
I really didn't want to hurt you.
Please don't be sad.
All the, I have a bad feeling, after you left.
Everything.
Really I was trying to tell you.
Sorry for taking the opportunity.
I love him too.
I'm sorry something I did that was so wrong felt so right.
Atleast the other part than hurting you.
Because that feels shitty.
I don't want everything to all end in the rain.
Washed away.
In tears.....
 oTrissa · Sat Jan 02, 2010 @ 01:07pm · 0 Comments |
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