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interesting thoughts: I'm not gonna wait here to escape until wings sprout out my a** and I sure as hell ain't waiting for that. oh wait to late for that. damn it

What do you call a sailor whos been butt ********? Sailor uranus

Remember, kids: If you don't eat your vegetables, Mario will hunt you down and throw them at your face

Gay dinosaur is called Mega-soreass

boo bies = boobies.... >.<

The short-term memory capacity for most people is between five and nine items or digits. This is one reason that phone numbers were kept to seven digits for so long.

Santa came down the chimney and there was a woman laying on the rug. She says" please stay Santa" and Santa says " ho ho ho I've got to go.places to be, lots of children to see." the woman says again" oh please Santa please stay I want you" then Santa says " ho ho ho got to go lots of places to be lots of children to see" the woman takes off her panties and Santa says" hey hey hey I've got to stay
I can't leave with my d**k this way"

A lonely young lad of Eton
Used always to sleep with the heat on,
Till he ran into a lass
Who showed him her a**---
Now they sleep with only a sheet on.

Smoking reefer didn't cause him to fail,
And that Lewinsky affair is a tale.
These two things they will name,
When the defense makes its claim,
That neither Bill nor the girl did inhale.

A proper young lady of Taos
Had her panties trimmed neatly with lace.
But a vulgar young man
Raped her roughly, and ran,
And left them pure panties in chaos.

There once was a old man from Norway -
who cussed as he sat in a doorway-
the door smacked him flat-
and he yelled "what was that"?
that disgruntled old man from Norway

His bunghole was blown back to Sparta,
Where they buried the rest of our farter,
With a gravestone of turds
Inscribed with the words:
"To the Fine Art of Farting, A Martyr."

The was a young lady with worts
In the most private of places, of course.
She went to the doctor
Who said he would shock her,
But voltage would not be the source.

There was a young peasant named Gorse
Who fell madly in love with his horse.
Said his wife, "You rapscallion,
That horse is a stallion---
This constitutes grounds for divorce."

I heard it was raining s**t to i took shelter in a toilet.

You can pick your nose, you can pick your friends.... but you can't pick your friend's nose

Waiter theres a hair in my poo.

Roses are red, violets are blue,
Sugar is sweet, and so are you
The roses have wilted, the violets are dead,
The sugar bowl's empty, and so is your head
The roses stink, sorta like sheep
But leave your name, number, and message after the beep
The roses are molding, the violets are rotten
And I might call you back, if I haven't forgotten

We might be in, we might be out, but leave a message and you might find out!

everything turn,turn, turn,... for every season, turn,turn,turn...has a reason and a meaning, turn, turn,turn

Everyone is given the key to Heaven However the same key opens the gates of Hell

10 turds in the toilet 1 jumps out

My position is a perturbation among parallels,Stifled with puzzlement,Concocting the journey needed,The vivacious.Azure tints which whirl themselves across the sand,Elitist shallows and lethargic depths,Illusive dreams.Vertigo from this bold vacuum,Never an immaculate night,Along with the deliberation of all that is tranquility.Incendiary points spanning throughout,And Warm emissions,Gifts of sensation.Physicality eternally apprehended,My autonomous spirit wavers in solar wind.The motif of the universe.

1. Her face was a perfect oval, like a circle that had its two sides gently compressed by a ThighMaster.

2. His thoughts tumbled in his head, making and breaking alliances like underpants in a dryer without Cling Free.

3. He spoke with the wisdom that can only come from experience, like a guy who went blind because he looked at a solar eclipse without one of those boxes with a pinhole in it and now goes around the country speaking at high schools about the dangers of looking at a solar eclipse without one of those boxes with a pinhole in it.

4. She grew on him like she was a colony of E. Coli, and he was room-temperature Canadian beef.

5. She had a deep, throaty, genuine laugh, like that sound a dog makes just before it throws up.

6. Her vocabulary was as bad as, like, whatever.

7. He was as tall as a six-foot, three-inch tree.

8. The revelation that his marriage of 30 years had disintegrated because of his wife’s infidelity came as a rude shock, like a surcharge at a formerly surcharge-free ATM machine.

9. The little boat gently drifted across the pond exactly the way a bowling ball wouldn’t.

10. McBride fell 12 stories, hitting the pavement like a Hefty bag filled with vegetable soup.

11. From the attic came an unearthly howl. The whole scene had an eerie, surreal quality, like when you’re on vacation in another city and Jeopardy comes on at 7:00 p.m. instead of 7:30.

12. Her hair glistened in the rain like a nose hair after a sneeze.

13. The hailstones leaped from the pavement, just like maggots when you fry them in hot grease.

14. Long separated by cruel fate, the star-crossed lovers raced across the grassy field toward each other like two freight trains, one having left Cleveland at 6:36 p.m. traveling at 55 mph, the other from Topeka at 4:19 p.m. at a speed of 35 mph.

15. They lived in a typical suburban neighborhood with picket fences that resembled Nancy Kerrigan’s teeth.

16. John and Mary had never met. They were like two hummingbirds who had also never met.

17. He fell for her like his heart was a mob informant, and she was the East River.

18. Even in his last years, Granddad had a mind like a steel trap, only one that had been left out so long it had rusted shut.

19. Shots rang out, as shots are wont to do.

20. The plan was simple, like my brother-in-law Phil. But unlike Phil, this plan just might work.

21. The young fighter had a hungry look, the kind you get from not eating for a while.

22. He was as lame as a duck. Not the metaphorical lame duck, either, but a real duck that was actually lame, maybe from stepping on a land mine or something.

23. The ballerina rose gracefully en Pointe and extended one slender leg behind her, like a dog at a fire hydrant.

24. It was an American tradition, like fathers chasing kids around with power tools.

25. He was deeply in love. When she spoke, he thought he heard bells, as if she were a garbage truck backing up.

hello kitty. your so shitty. hello kitty you make me feel sickly. hello you make me feel shitty. hello kitty you make me feel like im in hell. hello kitty oh how I could throw up. so welcome to hello kitty hell!

flood the halls with gasoline
falalalalalala
light a match and people scream
falalalalalalala
watch the school burn down to ashes
falalalalalala
now we know how to play with matches
falalalalalala.

( . Y . ) BOOBS ARE ZE s**t ZAT CONTROL ZE MEN

A bear and a rabbit were in the forest taking a s**t together. the bear looks at the rabbit and says " please excuse be, but do you have a problem with s**t sticking to your fur?" then the rabbit says" why no." the bear picks up the rabbit and whips his a** with the rabbit.

"I promised her i'd protect her...but what am i to do when she no longer needs me, or my protection? When the one i loved, and gave my life to, no longer wants anything to do with me? ...It doesn't matter to me, even if she doesn't need me or want me."

I'll send you to hell so you can lick santa's a**!

*Sitting by an old oak tree, overlooking a lake. Resting his head against the tree, with his eyes closed, he hums an old lullaby his mother sang for him*

What is a light year? Its the same as every other year but with less calories.

I'm a Lonely Dark twisted Emo Im dying inside yet no one can see it. I've been told I'm Romantic charming funny and good-looking So y cant my relationships last? Tell Me! Alone

two shots of hate from a mouth as loud as a gun, like an assasin ... who does it for fun. two deafening blows in a war that has just begun, life gone away...i'm done. two red roses sitting on my coffin, the wind blows, leaving only one the world i know disappears...like the setting sun.

# Not all scars show, not all wounds heal Sometimes you can't always see The pain someone feels The bitterest tears shed over graves are for words left unsaid and deeds left undone. Every night i talk to the stars pretending its you.. it acts just like you tho.. far away and never replies to my questions

You are so ugly
so butt-ugly
why won't you die?
I would like to stab you
in the eye with a really hot french fry
you never shut up
what the ******** up
with your chosen path
you're so stupid
I have to open up a can of squirrely whup a**
open up a can of squirrely whup a**
open up a can of squirrely whup a**

hey if u here thunder and lightning tonight its not that its elvis kicking micheal jacksons a** for marrying his daughter

think like a gofer, be the gofer, feel the gofer, ******** the gofer, and kill the gofer.

Don't Burn ur bridges it's amazing how many Times We have to cross the same river.

♥To make ur problems DisappearTake 1 Dose of me and call in the mornin.♥

Technically A d***o is Educational

I am a shell Hard to crack try as you may I am a caged bird I will never sing♫♪

♥The smallest word is I, the sweetest word is Love and the dearest person in the world is you. thats why I Love You♥"

Im taken by my real like freinds.... they know who they are.. they are awesome... and always knows when somethings wrong with me.. i love them. and they are amazing... they treat me how i want to be treated.. and they know what i hate and what i love. and all i have to say is i love them.

mwuhahah*cough**cough**cough**cough*hahahahaaha

as i laid in my bed and looked up at the night sky I thought. where the hell is my ceiling.

careful boys. you wouldn't want to trip on a big steaming pile.then smoke it in a blunt.

" red and black a freind of jack red and yellow kill the fellow"

I'll be blunt... keep the joint clean!

throw your undies on the stage. oh wait your underage.

go my little wolf minions... minions? minions?? Oh my god. where are my wolves?*sigh* I should have never taken them to a small Greek island where a lot of women look like Zorba. now they will never find people attractive again. WHY ?!

why the hell is there so much blood? did you get pissed off because you lost your weed?

twinkle twinkle little bat! how I wonder where your at

every time a demon farts an angle gets its wings

Jack be nimble Jack be quick Dave almost burned his d**k to a crisp, lol I'm more smarter then that

Kagome: I really hope Inuyasha is over his stalking humpady thing with boob phase? *knock knock" AMAZEMENT! Inuyasha: gonna hump u!

Confusius say, man who stands on toilet is high on pot

Here i sit all broken hearted wish i s**t but only farted

Poor michael jackson, played with little boys when he was alive, now hes melted down into legos.... now little boys are playing with him

What would u call Michael Jackson and Boy George in a sleeping bag? A fruit roll up

What does michael jackson and walmart have in common?They both have lil boys pants half off

Wanna know how to make a goodyear tire?get 365 used condoms


What did the elephant say to the naked man?How do u breathe thru something so small?Thats what the elephant said to the naked man.The elephant thought the guys d**k was his nose