Every day that goes by the pain becomes more obvious to me.
I try so hard to ignore it but now it's consumed me.
I miss him more than anything.
I love him and I always will.
I'm in constant torment.
It's just not fair.
I dont want to get over him, because a large part of me is all too sure that he is lying when he says he doesnt feel anything.
The other morning I woke up and wanted to die.
I continuously tell myself a mantra that everything is going to be ok and that I am happy.
The truth is that I know things wont be ok, and I'm really not happy at all.
Each day is supposed to get a little easier but in truth it just gets harder.
I stopped wanting to wake up long ago, but now I've stopped feeling anything at all.
It's weird though, I don't even know how it happens, I dont know how to fake it anymore because I was so used to being happy but now this weird thing just kicks in and I'm not myself, I'm just a part of the audience.
A lot of the time I wish that he had taken me back even if he were faking it just so I could be happy again. I know I've been a b***h but it's my only way to handle the pain of losing him. Things arent better for either of us alone.... He's not himself anymore... Drugs, alcholhal, and that jerky I'm better than you attitude, why would he lower himself to much? I fell in love with that beautifully dark little boy who was just a little bit squishy and a lot shy. It seems as though his gain of openness was my loss. Even though I thought that he would speak to me more he didnt, he just ignored me and spoke to his friends and replaced me. I know he wasnt with that girl because he had a reason, he was trying to replace me like I tried to replace him with other people and you know what it hasnt worked for me so I doubt its worked for him. David can fool everyone including himself but he can't fool me. I wont give up on this now I'm too far in after 3 years. If he doesnt really love me then he can look me straight in the eyes and tell me so. Not hide out like a coward. You said you'd love me forever and I can still see it in your eyes that you never stopped.
PriestessNaiomicana Community Member 
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