I wish I could tell you I’d make it all better. I wish I could tell you that I’ll hold you all night and all day until your pain finally goes away, but the truth is, I can’t make it all better. I can’t lessen your pain when I’m too focused on her. I think I’m in love with her. I think I’ve always been in love with her, but I can’t admit it, not even to myself.
You, you’re beautiful. I like your skin, your eyes, and your wrists. I like holding your hand and stroking your arms. I like listening to you sing even though that means you’re probably not listening to me, and I like listening to you ramble on about your bands, but I don’t feel an emotional connection with you. It’s like this physical distance between us measures out our emotional distance too. I’m sorry, but I think you’re just a sexual attraction. But then I think about your eyes when you were in so much pain; it broke my heart to see you like that. I wanted to wrap you in my arms, and never let you go. I wanted to kiss sweet antidepressants on to your lips. I wanted to be the source of your happiness.
Then again, there’s that other girl. The girl I’ve always known and always loved. I want to make her happy more than I want to make anybody else happy, but she’s never around anymore. She logs out without saying goodbye, and I have a feeling she doesn’t want me, not even as a friend.
And I have a feeling you don’t want me more than a friend either.
I think I’m going to be alone forever,
And that thought scares me
A lot.
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