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Either it's a girl thing, love, or it's thanks to my genes, but I can't help but feel paranoid or protective of a specific person. I suppose that I can attribute it mainly to recent events, events which I will continue to dislike with a strange rage and question how it even started. I'd go on a rant, but there would be no point to it. My reasons would be taken as 'over-the-top' and faced with equally given ones. Right as I type this, remembering what's happened, I feel my temper rising like a cloud or wave.
That's strange too. I've never normally had temper problems, they've always been controlled or released at the right times. I assume that what I mentioned earlier has had a hand in it, when it was only a hint at the future rather than an actual problem. Then again, there've been two other instances throughout the years that my anger has taken a hold of me for a few seconds, then left me feeling either refreshed or a bit calmer, as well as a little regretful of my outburst. I had wondered if another such surge would hit me during my days in high school, as it had in elementary and middle school, but it hadn't. Now so close to the end of the school year and summer, maybe it's decided to show itself?
If it has, I hope that it doesn't lash out at the one I love despite my thoughts that it raised its head thanks to them. Thinking against my thoughts that it would be--I'm not sure how to phrase it, the actual words escape me--a plausible thing?--I don't want to hurt them. And if meet the other one involved in this, I might snap at them ruining my chances at possibly having a friendship. Of course, it would be strenuous to begin with and always after that. I know, or is it that I sincerely hope?, that said person will find someone else in their life and move on, thus having only friendship with mine. People do that, humans are prone to those kinds of feelings. I just hope that my own strength of attachment is not evident in that person and that they are as flitty as many other girls. I would really hate that.
Now I understand how the one I love feels about my own relationship with guys, even though I've made it clear that only that specific person is for me no matter what. Except, maybe, I do have an actual reason to harbor this doubt in my heart. I do have reason why I am so bitter and hateful about these recent events and the foreseeable future if the second person involved in this does not hook up with anyone, and soon. It had better be soon. For the better, and for the good of everything.
Maybe exercising or working out with help dispel my anger?
--A (Restrained) Ty
 Ty Gwynnia · Mon May 28, 2012 @ 06:51pm · 0 Comments |
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