After a long day of working at the school, Josh came over and we cuddled and took a nice little nap. Usually when it's late and we don't want to go anymore, we just go to my house and talk and sit in my room and end up cuddling.
We sat there for a while just holding each other and his heart started racing and I got nervous because of that. Our faces were really close.
And we kind of just kissed.
I'm very dramatic about kissing. It's a really serious thing to me. I don't take it lightly at all. I usually end up punching myself profusely, crying, or sitting up late at night wondering why I let that happen. But when we kissed, it was so natural. No sparks flying or cheesy orchestrated music in the background. It was just like we'd done it all our life. Like that was the perfect moment for it, and it just happened.
Natural.
After he kissed me, I couldn't stop smiling. And that's not usually the reaction that I have. I was laying on his chest, and I looked up at him; he was smiling, too. And I laughed. I was relieved, I was happy, I felt good. And he sat up and asked why I was laughing.
I told him it was because he's liked me for so long, two years. And we've been together for a month, something that we weren't sure would even happen, and how we're actually happy. But kissing was the one thing we worried about, because what if it wasn't everything that we thought it would be? It was an important moment for Josh, because it could have been bad and things would go south from there. We talked about that a lot, and the thought scared both of us.
But it was natural. And for the first time, I think I'm actually in a relationship where I like the person I am with. I genuinely like him. (It's definitely the first relationship that I am in where I knew the person for a long time before I decided to date them.)
When I think of our relationship, that's the first word that comes to mine: Natural.
We talk about everything in an analytical stand-point.
We make sure we are both comfortable with things.
We respect each other's space and time and thoughts.
He knows that I'm not in love with him and I don't think that I am going to marry him and spend the rest of my life with him.
He knows there I am on a physical stand-point and respects that.
He listens to me b***h a lot, and he makes sure that I am happy.
I don't know.
I feel good about this.
I'm also not at a point where I couldn't live without him. Which I like, because I hate dependencies and commitments and being tied down. And he knows that and basically feels the same.
I feel good about this.
Natural.
I'm happy with it.
 Purple Sky Painter · Sun Sep 08, 2013 @ 06:24am · 0 Comments |
