Well…that was unexpected.
I’m not sure why I feel so spooked. I’m gonna have to write down my thoughts and feeling down in order for me to have a better understanding of myself. So yeah, what surprised me was that…
It’s one thing for someone you know to tell you that they like you, but it’s another when someone you’ve never met likes you.
Um, okay? I’m not quite sure how to handle that. It’s nice to know that I’m appealing to someone, but looks aren’t everything. When it comes to photos I want to look and feel pretty which I achieve by wearing makeup. It took me a long time to realize that I’m not ugly. After all, acne usually wrecks a person’s confidence. It also doesn’t help that I’m short either. I get mistaken very often for a kid, so it’s hard to be taken seriously.
Makeup doesn’t drastically change the way I look because I do like to look natural. But, I don’t go around looking the way I do all the time. It wouldn’t be healthy for my skin. I usually just wear eye makeup when going out. Otherwise, my face is bare because I’m feeling lazy, didn’t have the time to do it or my skin needs a break from it. So I doubt he would find me appealing once he realizes that.
It would have been easier if we were familiar with each other or already friends. I wouldn’t have found this situation…weird? Or feel unsure? Because we both would know what the other is like and what to expect from each other, if we were to pursue a relationship.
Maybe it’s the unknown that’s bothering me?
He could be a decent guy and doesn’t care about how I look without makeup or that I’m short. Most guys don’t like it. It’s not exactly great to see people giving you judgmental looks when they think your girlfriend is a 14 year old or that she’s your little sister.
Or maybe it does matter to him? Maybe he’s a creep? But knowing my friend she wouldn’t tell me about him if that was true. I don’t know…
I guess, it’s because the last thing I want is to get my hopes up and be disappointed if it’s the latter? Besides, when I think about it I can’t be in a relationship. At least, not at this point in my life and it’s not because I don’t want to, but because logically it wouldn’t work. I’m falling behind, while everyone around me is heading to the top. I can’t keep up with my close friends. So how would I possibly be able to have a relationship?
Honestly, maybe I’m over thinking this and it’s nothing?
I don’t have a love life. And my track record in attracting guys isn’t good either. I’m quite sure that I’m gonna be that poor old lady secluded from society with her cats for company. Maybe when I get my life together, I’ll think about this differently, but for now I’m basically stuck in limbo. It certainly is lonely here. But at least I understand myself a little better now.
 DamnBlackHeart · Fri Jan 29, 2016 @ 03:53am · 0 Comments |
