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So what's going wrong today? |
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You know, I can never win.
I swear it. I can never catch a break.
Okay. Are you ready for a long story? Nobody ever reads my journals, and I don't expect them to. But if you read this one, you better be prepared to leave a comment at the end.
Okay, look. I got out of jail last year. (I'm 19, by the way.) I went to a halfway house with nothing but the clothes on my back. Then, through a series of unfortunate events (sorry, Lemony, I think I'll use that title there...), I got unofficially adopted by a single mother with two sons (13 and 14, last year) and a daughter (just turning 17 this week). I met them, started paying rent every week, la dee dah, everything was turning out okay. I had a tad bit of a crush on the daughter (whose name is Jessica, on Gaia at jess_89), but I got a gf, so that passed.
So life goes on with the gf, Autumn, I'm falling in love, and I buy her a ring. The engagement is to end in marriage a year hence (it was supposed to be next New Year's). We hit March, we've been together for seven months, and a girl comes along -- you may have seen her in my previous journals -- Kira. She promised me everything my fiance couldn't and claimed to already be in love with me. I suddenly gathered that the grass is always greener (along with some other complications along the way), so I drop Autumn in favor of Kira. Am I horrible or what? Pull nno punches -- I know what I did was screwed seventeen different ways since Sunday.
Well, let's just say that Kira broke up with me to get with her ex, then broke up with him to get back with me. Two weeks later, she gets really distant on me and cheats on me first with my little brother, then with his friend. (btw, he's fourteen, she's seventeen.) Then she breaks up completely with me and goes out with first a 22-year-old, then a 28-year-old. (That's eleven years' difference in age, there.) Jessica starts going out with Kira's original ex, and just for shits and giggles Kira bangs the ex three times in one day behind Jessica's back. Then I get back together to see how long Kira can last without trying to hurt me, and she doesn't even last for a week before she's cheating on me with a gay guy.
She's now wanted by the cops for something, I don't know. But I loved her. And the other day I tried thinking up the nicest name I could for her, and the only one I came up with is a four letter word that rhymes with bunt.
Bored yet? There's more. Oh, and if you're wondering why this all is unfolding like a soap opera, it's because all of the girls involved have wasted so much of their lives watching soaps and patterning their lives after them that they become what they watch. Depressing, isn't it?
Well, in retrospect, around the beginning of the year I start loving Jessica, and I think of her as a little sister. But around June, when all of the fun stuff started hitting the fan, I realized that I actually was in love with her. Interesting. So I told her she had a secret admirer. She finally held me to it and made me tell her who it was, and so we went out for a week.
She knew this guy... we'll call him Michael. She knew him for about ten years of her life, but had lost touch with him for a couple of years. They had both thought of themselves as in love with each other, but when separated, things were forgotten. Lo and behold, as Jessie and I are going out, he calls. And now she doesn't know if she wants to be with her original love or me. So she breaks up with me. Then, afterward, there's some other stuff that was totally screwed up that happened, but I'll keep those quiet. And yes, I am still in love with her.
So I'm single and sad until last week. I told my fiance what an idiot I was (because that much was true... idiot is a nice word for it) and that I still love her. Not like it'll make a difference, she has a bf that she's quite happy with, apparently. But last week I got a new gf -- the only problem was that I had competition. And out of three guys that were after her, she chose me. One of the guys findsout and gives me s**t... and then the other guy finds out and gives her s**t. She hasn't talked to me in three days.
And now Jessica is assisting my mother's jerk of a roommate to convince Mom to kick me out. So now, as of today, I've been told to start looking for a new place to stay.
There is too much of this s**t going on. At least in my life. I want, I need to give up. The only thing that can keep me from that is a girlfriend, a decent, self-respecting girlfriend that genuinely wants and perhaps even needs me around.
Lol. Who am I kidding? Like that'll ever happen. I think I'll buy a rope this weekend...
 duir ancient · Fri Sep 22, 2006 @ 11:50pm · 2 Comments |
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