I came across some old journal entry thing i did when my friend tried to get me onto some dealy opendiary.com... meh whatever and it was really sad looking through my entries going... " wow, that was a very vivid dream, maybe i should have listened..." yeah i should have cuz then i wouldn't feel a lot of pain that i have to go through, but life goes on and people do too... Okay your prolly wondering why put it in soul... well because when i rp soul is most like me and it jjust felt like i should put it here... I think i saw a bit of mandy's dark side yesterday when kerry pissed her off, man that can get sadistic... Oh well, serves him right for thinking breaking all contact with her would help, i mean there is such a thing as controlled contact, as in you dont talk to them all the time only occassionally even if it causes you pain in your heart. s**t, people think i dont know what it is like to feel pain in your heart or an emptyness, but i do, its always been there, but it's different from some losers that just feel pain because they cant get a gf or anything like that, i mean this is just the pain of never getting the kind of lovers i actually want and having all theese younger girls goig nuts over me.
IM so glad i finnally told caroline off, god she was driving me nuts with all the " i love you" crap I dont love her back but i mean seriously i tried to be all nice about it and just let her know i didn't like her but she kept pushing so i felt i had to do it. PLus my teacher told my class that if ya want to get rid of someone doing that you should just outright tell them. Last night I just kinda felt like maybe i should just quit trying to find love and just focus around my friends and their problems... like i used to. I also realized i was such an a*****e when i was a little kid well not little kid more like younger... I probabbly deserve this pain for what i used to do back then from insulting people for no reason to thinking i was the best person in the world.
OH well im different now and thats all that matters... I say "life goes on a lot" I dont know what it is with those 5 i think let me count... yeah 5 words that seem to remind me there are more people out there then just me and that life does go on with or without me. I started talking about theese mood swing type things i do where i get really wise randomly or mature and so on, but i never talk about the reallllly dark side... I mean even that side gets worse... but i have to go..
 SoullessAssassin · Sun Feb 20, 2005 @ 05:04pm · 2 Comments |
