today's my birthday...whee...I guess you can tell I'm not overly excited. well, I was actually but not anymore. at first, there was supposed to be a birthday dinner for me on saturday at my favourite restaraunt, but now, my two favourite people who were supposed to come that day can't so my mom decided not to have it. instead, she decided that I would just get my gifts when we went to have thanksgiving dinner with friends in the city. so, no real birthday fun for me...that may seem kind of selfish, but after the shitty year and a half I have had I figured I deserved a moment or two of happiness. it's not to be. I just feel like my birthday is not important to them and they could care less. my sister got an awesome birthday party and stuff and I'm sure my older sister will too. I'll be the one with the shitty day... I'm glad that my sis had a good day. I love her to death and she deserved it...I hope my older one does too...I-I just feel envious... another thing that hit me today was that this was the first birthday in THREE years that I would be single. that hurts too. and so, all in all, today is just another day. I get a year older. whoo ******** hoo... oh yeah...my mom said maybe shawna and rhonda(those are the people that can't come on saturday) would take me out on friday for drinks or something...I was glad but she acted like she wanted to just tell me as if it was another chore.. that me having a chance in the limelight was something she didn't want to bother herself with and left to them... don't get me wrong, I adore those two..but you know what I mean...birthdays to me, mean your family actually cares and actually want to celebrate you being alive...I don't feel like they do...how shitty is that?
I know this seems a bit melodramatic, but if you knew what had happened over the last year and half, you'd understand. I don't want to explain all that right now...the entry would be too long and I don't want to spend today in tears. I think I deserve to at least be able to smile once today....well, maybe on friday I can get really shitfaced and just have forget about it all for a night...
 mr_frodo · Thu Oct 07, 2004 @ 05:36pm · 1 Comments |
