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In my nothing you meant everything to me...
This was supposed to have been written weeks ago; I really wanted to write in this every day after but looky at where the best of intentions lead us.
I even started an entry once so long ago, talking about how great the last few mornings had been because meh Vanny had been on and we had gotten to talk and RP some, a treat that even after all this time has not dulled; it is truly the little things that matter with me. Funny to think how one person that you have never met will pull you right out of the slump you are in, isn't it? And that applies to many people and you should very well know who I mean when I say that.
Sounds silly I guess, to be so attached to someone that you have never physically met but I have become very attached to some of the people that I have met on here. I feel blessed to have met so many sweet people and each day reminds me that the world is not as full of asshats as I had once thought.
Good news for anyone reading this; I am mellow today. So far...I can not promise about the rest of the day but for now I am oddly mellow. Guess I am dreading the rest of the day later. It is not that anything spectacularly BAD is going to happen, just some of those tiny little annoying things that you wish you could avoid but can not for one reason or the other. 'Mellow' means I am not bouncing off the walls like a space monkey on a bottle of Stackers but it also means that something has wormed its way into my mind and is making a pearl. Not like the ones that are in my siggy either. But no biggy; I am merely thinking too much again and will require nothing more then getting my head out of my butt and for me to stop thinking so damn much and I will be fine again.
I was an a** last night. Now that I have rested some, listened to some music and chilled my evil a** out I see how mean I have been recently to people that do not deserve me taking out my anger out on them. I wish I could apologize and take it all back, I really wish I could just turn back time and take it all back but I can not. I am sorry for everyone who has been hit with the crap that I have been slinging about and I promise to try to start acting better. I can not promise to not trip and to not stumble every now and again but I am trying my best to deal with all the crap in my head...And I know I said that I would keep THERE out of HERE but far too many of you in HERE have been treated bad ((to me)) because of what is going on THERE and I am less then happy with myself over it.
So enough of that bullshit, I need to talk about something else. I just really wanted to say I am sorry and that I love you guys; no matter how big of an idiot I am, know that much atleast.
I am happy to say that my art craving that I have gotten here lately is getting a fix...kinda. I hope so anyway. I have put in a million requests for stuff it seems but only a few have gotten done. The first one I finally got is the one that is in my siggy at the moment; I adore it. It means a lot to me on many levels but one of them is the time in my life while I was waiting for it and planning out for it and such...And again I apologize for how random this all is, to be very honest I am feeling slightly off today, kinda sicky and I feel like I am not expressing myself too well here of late.
Anyway, back to what I was saying. I really have a fascination with drawings, images and art...I can not draw but I wish that I could so that I could bring all the things I see in my head into a visual form. I can not wait to have more of my commissions done. As they come in I want to post them in here and in what I hope will be my soon to be random siggy...I want one of those rotating siggys cause I want to post all kinds of stuff in mine; I have tons of ideas for things I want to do, I just need to get them going.
I have a plan to do a page just for the art that I get, as well as links to the artist's stores so that anyone who wants to know who did them can know as well as offer some free advertisements for my favorite artists. UE was the person that did the very first commission of Van and Flare for me and I adore it. I don't know if you will see this UE, but thank you and know that I am your biggest fan.
I keep looking to see who is on; I hate to miss anyone anymore then I have already. I have not been able to be on as of late like I would like to and when I am there is usually something preventing me from focusing as I would like to. To be honest I thought about waiting to type this up when I was in a better mood but it has been far too long and I have been wanting to make a new entry for so long as it is so I am taking the time out to do it now. As one of my all-time most beloved movie quotes goes, how can there be time if we do not make time?
I really wanted to say some stuff to some people like I did in my last entry. As I have said to some of you that expressed emotion over not being mentioned in my last entry I really did not expect anyone to even pay attention to it for one, and for another I purposely saved some for the next entry; I know this entry is later then I had planned it but that does not mean anything other then the fact that I have to sleep sometimes and that when I am on I am desperatly trying to catch up on stuff, including PMs, telling the world what I think on AIM ((I apologize for those of you I talk to on AIM, goodness knows you guys get enough of my ranting without me doing it in here as well.)), my beloved RPs, and talking to artists over commishies. I think I attempt to do too much but eh, someone has to save the world...Right?
I love these people, all for one reason or the other, everyone on this list is a friend to me and while this is in no way a complete list this is just my way of thanking you for putting up with me, listening to my b***h rants, loving me even when I am a s**t, and for generally just being so damn great. I wish I could say more, I especially wish I was a better friend to all of you but like I said before, just know that I love you and that while I am very far from perfect I do care.
~Aeongera...You are by far one of the best damn RPers I have had the luck to meet; I await each post and worry that when I send one back it will not be good enough. I know that things have been hard lately and I hope that more then anything that things will get better for you soon. You can always talk to me though and know that you are always on my mind.
~Arisato...Ya damn freak! And you know what I am talking about so don't play innocent with me, buddy! 
~Aryal, I don't know how you did it but you make him happy. I wish you were closer that way we could all get together and TP people's houses. That would kick some major butt!
~Asai, my sweet kawaii Nanu, what would I do without you? *Shivers* Nevermind, I don't want to even think about it.
~Corbin...I understand you far too much. I mean that in a good way; just spooky to find a guy that feels the same way.
~Culla...Whew, where would I begin? Damn great RPer, has some of the best links on the web EVER ((and I am not the only one to say so! xd )), has been so sweet from the get-go and managed to get me completely addicted to another RP. Do you ever just stop with the neatness? XD
~Formics Protector formerly V to me; I have no idea if you will even see this because it has been so long since we last talked to one another and for that I am sorry. I have been losing touch with people and I hope to be able to correct that soon but that does not make up for the fact it has been so long...I hope you are doing good and that life is being kind to you.
~htlove101... heart heart heart Good luck with your marriage, sweetie. I wish you nothing but the best and I hope he will always make you as happy as he does right now. heart
~Ketchup and Turtles turned out one of the most drop dead gorgeous pictures of Flare that I have had the delight to get my grubby lil hands on. Thank you; even my Shadow Dragon said that it was loverly and would not stop eyeing it...THAT MEANS IT IS GOOD! xd Then, on top of all that, you turn out to be a great RPer. eek
~Knight...I have no idea where to begin. I guess with the fact you put up with me even though I think it is a fair trade-off.  No, seriously, though I will never take a ride to the library with you ((Hehehehehe)) I loves ya and I think you like me ok. xd
~Vedel, another dear one that I have not spoken to in a long time, and for that I am sorry. You are not forgotten at all and I hope that everything is working out for you ok.
~Missy...Weirdo psycho sex fiend. wink And that is NOT a bad thing! 
~RC...*Huggles* I hope you see this! I especially hope that you liked the last post; I hope that I did not run you off of Gaia! *is only partially kidding* XD
~SazukeEX, I have not a clue as to if you will see this or not but WOW. Great RPing and a delight to talk to you. I only wish we could be on for longer amounts of time!>.<
~Sepha I am so sorry. You are another person I have lost touch with and I am not sure if you will see this or not but know I am sorry and that you have not been truly forgotten.
~ShadowDragon2501...My first book says you will never read this but oh well, it never stopped me from talking to you even though I know you are not listening. I love you despite that and maybe even because of it, who the hell knows?
~ShaterdxlullabY, I swear to Jeezums I will sing! xd
~Suicune2001, another person I am not sure that will see this but I get such a kick out of RPing with you and more then that I love the fact that we have turned out to be friends despite the rocky beginning we had. xd Ohhh, the irony but I really do think that you kick butt and thank you for turning out to be so cool. *Huggles*
~Lost you are seriously too sweet and too good for this world. Some girl is going to be so lucky to find you. And again I say...SooooOOOOOO FREAKIN' CUTE YOU ARE!!!!!!!! wink xd
~Vanslaz...You stole my heart from the first time that we RPed together and I love you. Wanta take over the world? wink heart xd
~William Black Kicks BUTT! I love you my sweet Vapor; you make me laugh even when I think I might kill the nearest living thing that is not one of my Horsemen or Candle. I love ya and I have a folder for you alllll ready. whee
~[Dragon] you MUST hurry and join Red, it will be so cool to have you in there! I know that Lost and Suz wants you in there as well; you are a great RPer and a wonderful friend. I am sorry that we have not been able to talk more...please forgive me.
Making that list actually made me feel better. I guess it was thinking of all the sweet things that people do for me and how you all make me happy even when I want to put my head down and cry. I am sorry for the over-all tone of this post, I really hate that I have allowed it to fall so behind but I am going to try to get all caught up on it as well as on all the other things that I do on here. I have tons of PMs to catch up on ((Which is oddly always a delight though I feel bad about falling behind on those as well; I just love getting a new message, however.)) as well as posts to make in Red and RK...among other places.
I am now going to start on getting caught up on stuff about the site; I want to use today to get all caught up on things and to just sit my mean butt down and get some of this evil out...Perhaps kill some stuff in Diablo; when one can not put an arrow in someone's a** in real life ((whatever that is)) it is always thoroughly enjoyable to do it in D2. To my fellow Diablo fiends...and you know who you are...I hope to run that world with you as we do Gaia. So neat finding out that some of my favorite people play my favorite game as well.
Second Journal entry...almost done but it feels like it is not enough. I hope that anyone that bothers to read it is amused by it and maybe even smiles over something in here. That would be nice to know; here recently all I have done is be mean, it feels like, and to know that I managed to make someone smile is nice. Sorry for any errors you might find; as I stated before I am not feeling too well but I try to correct anything I see wrong.
For now, this one fades from view to get some more stuff done. Hope that this finds you all doing well and that you know I am sorry for the way I have been lately. I will be keeping up on this more from here on out; I really want to make more entries in here. For now, however, I leave with a relatively small entry...and wish that the next time that these fingers fly over the keys that I will be more together then I am now. 
~This is my little angel....love her and you will win my undieing devotion and my heart as well. I just looked over and saw her sleeping in the most adorable position and I was reminded of all the great things that I have in my life. It truly is the small things that matter the most.~
heart  heart
*Last Event* I think it was a Blue box...I have not had one in so long I can hardly remember.
*Favorite Haunts on Gaia At The Moment* Red Eclipes (( heart I love this place...My second home.)), RK ((For more reasons then the fact that is also the initials for one of my all-time favorite animes!)), Poll Jumpers ((If I make any more of my Polls I think that they will ban me...but DAMN I have so much fun! )) and my PM box...Ohhh man, I love meh PM box!
*Theme Song of the Moment* The Show Must Go On ((Shame on you if you do not know who made this song...but the Moulin Rouge version kicks major whoo ha as well so if you only know that version you are forgiven wink ))
*What Book I Am Reading Now* Dean Koontz' Frankenstein: Book One, Prodigal Son....*loves the Dean even more*
*Thought Of The Day* Flare...the other OTHER F word.
*Questing For....* Damn good PM RPs and art...lots and lots of art. LOTS. xd I know this is pretty much the same as last time but if you think you can wow me with an idea for a PM RP then send it on. I also want the damn devil horns or horns of the devil or what the hell ever but those are a freakishly long way off until I can get over this gold glitch or art addiction.
*Odd Gaia Goal* To get to post 10k by my birthday and do it in a way that is NOT bumping.
*Random Question For Anyone Who Thinks They Can Answer It* If I focus hard enough and believe enough, will that mean that Dante will be willed into existence? *Hopes* *Claps hands* I DO believe in DMC! I DO believe in DMC! 
*Favorite Movie Quote Of The Moment*
COP #1- You okay?
RANDOLPH- I don't know. I'm kind of ******** up in general, so it's hard to
gauge.
~Death To Smoochy~
*My Inbox is 50% full*
*Welcome RadiantFlare , your Gaia Gold: 5298*
*Featured Gaia Quote*
Alpha_Kunoichi i only chose the last one so I could spank you, Flare. 3nodding
 RadiantFlare · Sat Mar 19, 2005 @ 02:15pm · 11 Comments |
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