So much goes on in my head when I read those fanfics. Everything all connects some how. Those stories and things in life-my life. The ones that easily connect are the angst stories. Although some of it can be extremely emotional, it all fits. It's good to have an excuse to cry. It reminds me, I'm not as numb as I convince myself I am.
It's not the fact that I can't feel emotions; it's the fact that I chose not to recognize the emotions. I hate being emotional though; it hurts- to feel- to recognize what goes on in the world as if everything was aimed only at you. I don't want that pressure... I had it before, and I hate it. I hate it all! I don't want those memories, and sometimes, I want to talk about it...
The thing is, I don't like putting pressure on others to lessen my own. Perhaps it's because I don't remember how to comfort others. I get nervous. I hate that; when the people that matter to me most are in pain, and I can't help them because I can't even help myself. It scares me; it really does. What scares me more it that the only way I really get anything out in the "open" is by writing it down.
Who knew, words would give more consolation than friends? Funny how things work out. I trust this in a journal on the internet that's open to the public. Ha, not like anyone will actually read it though.
Yet still I read those stories that are sad and sometimes tragic, just to make me forget how bad my own life it. Everyone is like that though, reminding themselves that someone else has it worse of than you just so you feel you don't have to be miserable. A sad cycle, but a true one.
 midnight-mystic-dragon · Sun Apr 15, 2007 @ 08:00am · 0 Comments |
