Room to Grow

• Artist: Mlle Shiow Jen
• Description: This poem is my rant of sorts on the idea of love lasting forever. I won't say anymore about this poem beyond that because the whole reason I'm posting this is to hear other's interpretations of it.
• Date: 11/12/2009
• Tags: immortality love romance youth death

She will grow old
and tire
of the lies she and her man
told themselves to
stay sane.

He will stay young.

She was afterall,
just a girl when they
first met.
She was only foolish
but had the strength to grow.
He was young too,
but was broken and beaten
by the memories and years.

Their last night togethor she will mourn,
because he is still young.
Though his hair is silver like hers;
he hasn't aged a day.
He is still young.

She will pray their love dies in her grave.
She will sicken with the thought of his forever.
She will hope he will set her free.

He is still young.

She was afterall,
young when they first met.
She was taken by
pretty words and a pretty face.
But she will let him go.

He is still young
when he frees her ashes on the wind.
And though he loves her still,
he has a long way to go. He sets her free.

He is still young...

Comments

[Slinkenhofer]

Most of your poem has no rhythm and no flow. It just sounds like a dramatized short story broken up in to shorter lines, made to look like poetry. I can't interpret this poem because there is no subtlety in it. It just sound like another failed attempt at depth and meaning in a cliche. 1/5