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So, I was at this beach ... ... ...

heart

I went to the beach recently and met the most amzing guy in the world. There are only a few problems with this little encounter.

He's straight.
I know. I know.

To top it all off, even if he was interested, my conscience would let me do anything, because he was engaged. I couldn't bring myself to mess around with someone who was spoken for. I'd feel too guilty. He was only getting into his second year in college, so I figured that, to be engaged so young, it had to be something special.

It was also bad, because he was family of the girl who invited me to go to the beach in the first place. She is in this little denial stage where she thinks that if she flirts extra hard with me, I'll go back to the vaginas....I don't want to lose her trust, or her friendship, by screwing her older, straight, engaged cousin.

I probably wouldn't have been as affected by this event if his fiance was actually present and accounted for. All I had to go on was the ring on his left ring finger and the stories told by his family. I guess I was in my own little stage of denial, wasn't I? I didn't even come to terms with his engagement until he told his family that he and Katrina wanted to go on a private week long trip to some water park or other. Damn.

It's not like my miniature infatuation was completely spontaneous. He threw his manners and his personality in my face, practically begging me to get hooked. And hooked I was. He was charming and funny. Super intelligent and adorably honest. He kept asking about my likes and dislikes, my tastes and distastes. He only talked about himself when I egged him on, which is utterly flattering. OH! And he let me win at the water gun shooting game on the boardwalk. I know he let me win, because he told me earlier that he loved to hunt. Whereas, I can't aim sock into the clothes basket, without missing at least once.

I find that I am mainly attracted to guys that aren't that gay at all. The last guy I was 'with' was captain of the football team, and before that, I was with the ladies man of my school. Emphasis on ladies. I don't want to ruin anything between him and his God-fearing fiance, but I do regret not going further on my gut feeling.

I've been out for years, now, but I've never been too bold in the dating area. I kept all of my past 'experiences' pretty private, only telling people I could trust and people that didn't know who I was or who I was talking about. I don't like to think that I let the perfect catch slip through my fingers, but I can't help feeling just so.

Maybe I'll change. heart
~Odd.