I feel like crap. My nose is all tingley and I feel like I constantly need to sneeze. If I get a cold, I'll probably starve to death or choke to death. I already have a problem breathing now and I don't really eat much food.
I have a problem with my esophogas. However you spell it. It hurts to swallow. [Yeah yeah, haha, swallow..]] The only thing I can have that doesn't hurt is smoothies. That's pretty much what my daily intake consists of. Smoothies.. At least it's something I really like, right? But god, you people have no idea how lucky you are to be able to have real food. Any food you want. Ugh.
Best yet, the doctor whom I went to see really seemed like she had no clue. Seriously, you gave her her license to be a doctor?! Please, revoke it? She put me on Prevacid for Acid Reflex, telling me that that could be the cause of it. Mom says that even though it might not be the cause, the pills will help my stomach. Well guess what? It hasn't helped. In fact, I'm pretty sure it's worse than it was before. Now I can't even lay on my back without it hurting. At least before I got my pills I could drink water!
She said that if Prevacid didn't work, to come back on friday and see her. Yeah right, as if lady. She said she'd give me something for stress. Yay for guess-and-check!! It's not emotional stress, but the pills would help my body take on more stress. Higher pain tolerance in a way.
Dad thinks I have.. thrush? I think it's called. Some thing in my throat. He has it and his Mom had it. I wouldn't doubt it if he passed it on to me too. I get everything bad from Dad I swear.
Mom says it's either that, or more reasonably it was a pill I took for my face. I went to bed like ten minutes after I took it. She said it probably didn't go down all the way and it got stuck in my throat and irritated it. Burnt it. I think that's what happened. How to fix it.. I dono. Time maybe. But god time takes forever!!
So I'm going back to the doctor soon to get different pills. This time I'm actually going to MY doctor! ******** that foreign person s**t. Could barely understand her anyways.
Also I get to go see someone about getting on birth control. Yippie skippie. My stupid acne is just... ugh!! So I'm getting put on something that requires birth control. I think it causes birth defects if ya get pregnate so.. yeah. Mom and Dad don't like the idea, but I want my acne gone. I feel ugly with it. Gross. So that's more pills.
I've been off of pills maybe six days in the past two months. This year has started off with a horrible beginning.
Oh, not to mention that I've been in depression for..what? Six-seven months? Yeah, shocker right? Mandy.. the girl who always smiles and laughs.. depressed. You're probably thinking 'yeah right' or whatever. It's called faking. Smiling is a natural reaction for me. I do it without thinking. Without feeling. There was maybe one month where I was actually getting better. But all this s**t. It doesn't help. I've gone back into my little hole. Most of the time I don't feel anything. I just don't care. I'm not motivated.
Well, I'm done bitching. There you go. An update.
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