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I was on msn and I got these all from mario (you know who you are!)


A Priest, a Rabbi, and a Protestant Minister are on a cruise. Suddenly the boat begins to sink. The Protestant Minister yells, "Abandon ship! Women and children first!" The Rabbi says, "Screw the children." The Priest then replies, "Do we have time for that??


There's this man who drinks beer at a local bar every night. One night, he came in and had nothing to drink. The bartender was curious and asked him why he wasn't drinking anything.The man replied, "I don't drink anymore Last night, I blew chunks.""Oh that's nothing", the bartender replies. "Everyone gets a little sick after drinking at times!" "No, No", the man replies. "You don't understand. Chunks is my dog!"


There was a fly flying 6 inches above a lake.
A fish in the lake thinks, "If that fly dropped 6 inches I'd get it!"
A bear on land thinks, "If that fly dropped 6 inches, the fish would jump out of the water, and I'd get it!"
A hunter thinks, "If that fly drops 6 inches, the fish would jump, the bear will go to get the fish, and I'll shoot the bear"
A mouse thinks, "If that fly drops 6 inches, the fish would jump, the bear would go to get the fish, the hunter will go to get the bear, and I'll steal the cheese off his sandwich!"
A cat thinks, "If that fly drops 6 inches, the fish would jump, the bear would go to get the fish, the hunter will go to get the bear, the mouse will go get the cheese, and I'll get that mouse!"
Suddenly it all happened, the fly dropped 6 inches, the fish got the fly, the bear got the fish, the hunter got the bear, the mouse got the hunter's cheese, but the cat missed the mouse and fell in the water. The moral of this story is
...
"Every time time a fly drops 6 inches, a p***y gets wet


There was these newly weds that were both virgins and nervous about the wedding night. Finally when it came the wife took off all of her clothes and went under the covers while her husband took off his clothes one by one. First he took off his socks and his toes were messed up. His wife says "what happened to your toes?" He says "I had toelio". She says "you mean Polio", but he said, "no, toelio". Then he takes off his pants and the wife sees that his knees are all banged up and weird. The wife says "what happened to your knees?" He says "I had Kneaseles". And she says "you mean Measles" and he says "no, Kneaseles". Finally he took off his underwear and she says "Let me guess...small cox?


There is this girl with no arm and no legs sitting on the beach. A guy walked by and she started crying. The guy asked, "Why are you crying?" She said, "I have never been kissed before". So the guy kisses her. She starts crying again. The guy asked, "Why are you crying now?" She said, "I have never been screwed before." So the guy picked her up and threw her in the water and said, "now your screwed"