The smile I put on for you is all fake. You know, a mask. And I try so very hard to make it seem so obvious. A mask that anyone can point out and say, "That's not her ture self." I want someone to tell me, "I'm sorry. You don't have to smile anymore. I understand that under that mask is real hurt. Fear. You don't have to hide it from me anymore. Let it out, please. Don't keep the hurt to yourself. Everything is okay."
Buuuut that only happens in my dreams and in my stories. My fantasies that I play through my mind again and again to convince myself that I'm not all alone. The scenes I play in my mind to keep me away from reality.
And then I come here and unleash upon this unread journal my true immature thoughts and my deepest feelings. You may think I'm foolish, like a child, but it's not the way I see it. I'm hardly a child at all. People just don't see that. Becuase of my mask. But I'm a master mask-maker trying to make something obvios, but people find it beautiful and true no matter what I do becuase everything these days is misunderstood. But my real self is no where near beautiful. I'm really not. I'm not calm, I'm not quiet, I'm not smart, or anything. I'm just this hidden girl who can't show her real self because she's been locked away and long forgotten. And now I'm showing my real thoughts to this journal, for everyone to see. Becuase I'm trying to become brave enough to take my mask off. I'm so selfish. I can't help it.
But I'm still only here. Stuck inside this gaia account. But my mask would rather just keep me contained here than to trouble others with her wearer. And she;s getting ready to lock me back up. That's the trouble with masks. Wear them too long and you forget who you really are.
I read all of this outloud to myself. And I just realized; I forget what my own voice sounds like. It sounds like a complete different person's. I don't talk enough to myself. Or read outloud enough. I just find it fun. To hear myself. My own voice. I like it.
Unfound_Logic Community Member 
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