I am so sick of people that think that they know what others are going through in their lives. It pisses me off to no end.
I understand that one of my greatest friends on here is going through way too much s**t that he doesn't deserve. He's such a sweet kid.
Life just has this way of telling us that we're just such ******** and failures. Apparently, life isn't for everyone. At least, not a good life.
I have accomplished NOTHING in the 16.5 years that I've been alive (no liscense, no job, etc) and failed at so much. I get this feeling from everyone that I'm not good enough nor will I ever be. Whatever. I've learned to accept that. I've also acknowledged (yet have not accepted) that I'll never be the person everyone wants me to be. I fell like I need to be thinner, prettier, stronger, taller, etc. etc.
I suffer from my depression. On occasion, I try to lie to everyone and pretend that everything's fine. I just love how my "friends" act like they care but don't give a ******** when I try to explain what's wrong.
My one "friend" has told me that the reason people give up on me is because I don't try. Don't try what? I actually try too hard to get people to like me, and it drives them away because it seems like I'm too pushy or clingy or whatever.
I can't even bring myself to end the relationship that I've been in for the past 8 months. I really don't want to hurt him, and I can't bring myself to tell him that I love him. I find myself making excuses as to why I can't go out with him and I actually pray that each time he calls me that he'll break up with me. Don't get me wrong, everything was great for the first 2 months, but after that, it all went downhill. And just because I no longer want to be with him, I will never cheat on him or any other guy that I end up with.
I wish that for once someone will just come up to me, be completely honest, and tell me who the ******** exactly I should be. It would make other things just so much easier. Well...not really....but I like to pretend it would be. I suppose that I'll just keep praying that things get better.
X.x.Sweet.Sacrifice.x.X Community Member 
|
|
Community Member
YOU.
Dump your "FRIENDS". Dump the "boyfriend". Buy some more C.D's. Buy a journal and write in it as much as you can.
Think things like "Rain Clouds, what horrible things. Especially heavy ones. Especially ojnes in my thoughts, emotions and head." And then write a song about it. Thats what I do.
Sweetheart you need to stop believing the ******** around you. They are not right. You know what you need so go out and get it. Stop thinking death could be easier. Be cause it is. Your right but it's not the answer.
The answer is living. Be alive. Get married. Buy a house. Have a kid. DIE OLD.