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where... to start.... ~sigh~ Three things: Unexpected family incident involving a car crash, a family death, and my mom having a heart attack. all over the course of three days.

It started out good, i gave blood friday morning at 11:30 am and was feeling good, a little tired but i did something good is what i mean.....

I was napping on the heat vent at home when my phone rang, the home phone. I answered and heard Nana (my Grandma) on the other line. "Rach? Hi hun, how are you?" I told her i was good, I'd given blood and was napping. "Where's mom?" She wasn't there so i asked Nana if she was ok. Nana has HORRIBLE balance so we always kind of worry about her. "I had an accident..." I thought she meant that she fell, no, she was in a car accident, i found out later apparently she'd ended up (she doesn't remember how) in somebody's front yard in the rear of their car with her own. The force of her air bag going off and the placement of her hands broke her left arm against the driver's side window.

So that was the first thing. I could barely drive home after the donation so i couldn't really drive out to find her, plus i had no idea where she was, on the corner of Goddard and Five mile i think... Anyway. The paramedics wouldn't have waited for me anyway and she'd gotten a hold of mom (between the two times I'd called her back, and spoken with one of the paramedics) who was just pulling up. I felt a little helpless but, i guess she had someone there with her... which is what is important.

So mom has been staying with Nana all weekend, i had to dog sit for a family friend, and they're actually family because our families spend so much time together and are so close, you know those people, they might as well be family... So sunday was my last day dog sitting, and Amy's daughter Rebecca was there, i was also keeping her company since she's old enough to stay alone but i know how lonely that is. And so, on my last day, I'd packed everything up and gone to work, a longer shift than i expected because Cuttler needed the day off which i was happy to do, i love Cuttler. So when i got off i was coming down the escalators and calling dad to see if Amy had called at all after she'd gotten home. "Hey kiddo, have ya talked to mom at all?" he sounded kind of... well not as up beat as usual. I told him no. "Well something's happened. You know Amy's sister Molly. She's dead, something happened to her." I had to stop outside and cry a bit, i didn't want to deal with crying in my car on the freeway at night going 70 mph... which i kind of did anyway because i couldn't really stop crying at all. Apparently Molly, who's like me, a dog lover, was walking her dog Beau (he's like her child practically, they're so close) and Beau got caught in the surf off the coast of California where she was staying. So of course she went in to get him, there was a witness for all of this. She was in waist deep when a wave came in and carried them both away. They found Beau's body but Molly's has yet to actually be retrieved, but they've seen it in the ocean they just never get to it in time, a civilian sees it and the coast guard shows up too late. What bothers me is she was younger than Amy who's younger than my mom, and really just all together a lively healthy person, so she really didn't deserve this at all.

So i finally got home and had to think things through, i drove over to Amy's house to return her keys (her bf's and her's, two separate houses and two separate dogs to watch after) And i got my radishes because I'd left them at her house and wanted them dearly to comfort me. Then i stopped by Nana's house to see mom and her, and I ended up calling Kristin to see if i could come over Kristin if you're reading this, thank you so much, I love you with all my heart (ew gross mushy moment XD) You're my best friend and i can't thank you enough for letting me stay with you. I ended up staying at Kristin's, somehow got my homework done, we had some good laughs which was very much needed.

The next morning, i had emailed Heather (i work at the Minnick office with her as a volunteer) and told her i couldn't come in, i actually got up a lot sooner than i expected too, by my own free will too which was weird. I revised my homework a bit to make sure everything was ok and we ate and did more homework, I also had to work later that night 5:30 to close. So at about 2:30 mom called, in tears "Rach... i need you to come to Nana's" Now what would your first thoughts be? Oh no, please no, tell me she didn't die. I'll tell you now that's not it, it was fine but it pissed me off that i had to find that Nana was ok a few hours later, i was so nervous. And mom had said no everything is fine but i feel sick and i need you to come over. Mom gets migranes, i figured I have to get some supplies for my painting class before tomorrow morning and this is my only chance today. So i asked her if i could run to Boise Blue first, she said YES! so.... I did, she said i could.... I'm at Boise Blue getting my supplies when dad calls. "Where are you?" i told him i was at Boise Blue, and he said i needed to go to Nana's, and i told him i had work tonight, and we kind of had a moment of "ummm, hmmm, well let's see... hmm." and so i found out which i wish i would've known before hand, that mom had been having heavy chest pains ALL DAY, she'd had a panic attack before so she was ignoring it but it kept getting worse. So i called work. Stephenie my boss answered.

She gets her own paragraph, that's how special she is. I still can't figure Stephenie out and it hurts so much. I swear to god she hates me with a passion sometimes, but at other times it seems like we get along, and i try so hard not to make her mad, but sometimes i must fail or something, i don't know what i'm doing wrong, I'm on comfortable level with everyone at work with the exception of maybe her and Devin, but i think Devin just thinks I'm weird, which i'm fine with i'm used to that, i don't think he hates me though. So I called work and Stephenie answers, sometimes she has this tone that gets under my skin, this "You little b***h" tone and it hurts every time, so i told her i really needed the night off, on the verge of tears and it was maybe an hour before i had to be at work clocked on. (I just got back from undressing Nana and putting her to bed) I said "Stephenie, I'm so sorry for this it's really short notice but i have to have tonight for myself, can anyone take my shift?" she was so mad "Yeah that is short notice" A really snarky sarcastic tone, I've never wanted to yell at her but after what's been happening if i would've had a little more courage i would've snapped right there in the back of Boise Blue about how tired i was of ALL of her rude tones ALL THE TIME. So she got Cuttler to take my shift for me and i was so thankful for him. It's like we traded shifts, from the day before, me taking his then him taking mine.

So anyway, i got my supplies and rushed over to Nana's in tears while driving, a wondrous sight I'm sure. When I got there she was fine, Mom had gone with dad to the hospital and kept calling us while they did tests. Now let's see, this gets complicated. Nana and some of us always joke about this "Hey Nana, can i have that when you die?" and then we would offer her something of ours for when we die (before her XD) but she had these plates I've always liked every since i was little out on the table, and she had me box them up and stick them in her garage with my name on the box. It's like... she was already taking care of the "Here take this after i die" part, which i did NOT like, i had to hold back more tears so i wouldn't upset her. So after that and i made the beds a bit for family who was flying in from Connecticut later tonight, and we decided we were hungry so i got out some pasta too. We were both in the kitchen talking about random happenings in life and what not. One of the happenings which still has me absolutely furious was her neighbor across the road. Darlene. Darlene has a little white ******** terrier dog who likes to come over and s**t in Nana's yard. So we've always kind of not said anything and waited till she came which sometimes she did, to pick up HER dog's poop, well dad said something to the dog and then i guess Darlene came to Nana and said "What did you son in law say to my dog?!" in a furious tone. And then she let my Nana have it. She said that for the last ten years Nana has been a, let me make sure i spell this correctly... Malingerer... That is, someone who exaggerates or fakes illness in order to escape some sort of duty or gain pitty points among their peers. So ever since Nana had knee surgery, neck surgery, lost control over her balance, and has lost feeling in her feet due to charcotmarietooth apparently she's been faking her dependency on her family. According to Darlene, Nana's is a big drama queen who puts shows on in order to have people baby her and shower her with "feel better" cards, which we don't really do but we come over and have a drink with her XD

So back to the story, I had my back turned to butter up the cooked pasta after i strained it. I heard some shuffling and then a loud bang. When i turned around Nana was in mid fall and the island was in her way so she hit her head on the corner, fell with Neck brace and broken arm and all on her back after hitting her head. I screamed of course as helpless as i am and went to her side, we managed after ten minutes and dad calling coincidentally to coach us in a wasted effort to get her to her knees, i could not lift her and she didn't have the strength to crawl up my back while i slowly stood from a squatted position which would've killed my back anyway. So she ended up punching her Response Link button and i spoke with them and a fire truck and ambulance came out and parked right in front of Darlene's house. I could see her peeking out her windows and several times while they were helping her up i locked gaze with where i supposed her eyes were (the window was dark) and sent "******** you thoughts" her way as well as "i'll diarrhea all over your ******** door step and plants" thoughts. So they left and we even joked about them staying for pasta with us, and some time after they left mom and dad came back and then left so that mom could go home and sleep which she desperately looked forward to.

So here i am, having helped Nana to bed and waiting for the rest of the family to fly in so that i can go home to bed to be up early in the morning for class... ~sigh~ i'm spent folks, i'm so tired. I've never been so tired, it was like that other time last year, all those little things kept happening and they just built up till i couldn't take it anymore. Only this time they weren't little things, i was quite upset for the majority of last night and then earlier today. Oh wow i can't think straight, thank god i have no big tests coming up, i have a bio lab exam but those are easy for me, i hope it'll breeze by. ~sigh~ i'm so very glad i got my homework done. I just... want a sexy guy in a hot tub.... which something bleach related.... or naruto..... really the only people i like in that seme/uke related way would be Orochimaru or Kakashi, the others i think are hot are Uke-ish just like me. Or of course from bleach, Aizen, Grimmjow, or Zaraki, bit studdly seme guys... i like the others, far more in Bleach than in Naruto buuut I need a big strong brotherly type now. Anyway, I'm going to.... do something, distract my mind a bit, i'm all caught up on Bleach and Naruto unfortunately, so I'll just have to wait until Wednesday and Thursday for those. I'll.... go, i don't know how to end this, but yeah.... I'll go.





UPDATE

ok.... so they found molly's body, amy's down there but they wouldn't let her see, looks like it'll be closed casket unless they cremate her. She wasn't viewable, but it's definitely her.... ~shudders~ oh dear god it makes me sick.... ..... ~cries~ .... god it really does seem so very unreal....


on another note, nana's calling a family meeting on saturday..... i don't want to go, i care for her but i know what it'll be about, it's just doing to be sad... i know she knows she can't be independant anymore, she can't be alone for more than five minutes.... omg i can't believe i'm actually thinking about "time left" it's kind of.... spiraling downward it seems... um.... well there's three options.... neither of them she wants but she knows she must pick... she can have one of us stay with her.... that won't happen because we all work, and by us i mean dad mom or me, we're the only family who live in the same state with her, let alone within the same city.... all her other children and relatives live out of state or country..... i can't say i don't feel a sort of resentment towards them, it seems unfair, like they knew this would come so to avoid it they moved far away... i know that's not the case but i can't help it right now.... ~sigh~ or, she could have a person who comes and practically lives with her while she's awake at least, we know someone like that, but she has other clients so it wouldn't be all day and night like we want.... or... worst case scenario, she can live in a home, which i know she wouldn't and we wouldn't let her... we're going to try to find someone, or at least that's what i want to do.... the problem is she's lost so much balance, and she gets tired so easily, but when she rests her muscles weaken, almost instantly, she needs to keep moving but it tires her out and runs the risk of her falling more often.... ~sigh~ i don't know what to do, i hope we don't go over will stuff, that'll ruin me, i don't think i could handle it, the plates were bad enough... that's like when mom and dad went to europe for three weeks and they took me to the safety deposit box and gave me names of autorneys to call and people who have my parents trust funds and stuff. it was horrible, it was "in case something happens to us" i should post that essay, i did it for an english class a few semesters ago, it was an emotional paper... ~sigh~ i don't like those things, i like to think people will go on forever, even if you want something of theirs "when they die" but that still won't ever happen in my mind, it's just something to entertain that thought, but it won't happen... even though it will...

ok i have to stop rambling.... i feel like i'm surrounded by death, past present and future, there really isn't any past deaths though, molly's is still pretty present to me, still sinking in.... and........ ok yeah... you know the other one i'm concerned about, i'll stop... ~sigh~




i also thought i'd put this into perspective for you all....

Amy's husband Jim (uncle jim) died a while back (as in four or five.... maybe more, years ago). He was driving and a construction truck in front of him (with the double tires) had a rock wedged between the two tires and it shot out, ricocheted off the road and through his windshield, he saw it and turned but it snipped the end of his brain stem taking out his MO soooo yeah, but he had enough left in him to pull over, his (at the time) 6 year old son was sitting in the back seat and got a shard of windshield in his eye..... so.... i find this unreal.... because amy already lost someone dear to her.... in a strange manner too.... it's unfair that molly was taken from her.... she'd just gotten used to life without jim when molly died...