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GRR It's times like this I wish I wasn't around |
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Oh my mind is so beautiful. And I can’t believe it took a dream to make me happy about some person whom I cared about. Key word is cared. Don’t get me wrong though, I still care about him. But I guess you can say that I don’t love him any more. Have you ever had one of those people who just say things to make you feel good, and make you feel like you are perfect for that person? Yup, I dated one of those people, and I regret it deeply! But this is a fair warning, this is going to be long and no names will be spoken. I am not going to be held responsible if the party on whom I speak leaves comments or what not. That is their choice to be exposed.
In the dream, since that is what made me realize the errors of my heart, he was there with his girlfriend. That was about it. It made me think about him oddly. It made me wonder a bit about him. How can one lie to a person who they told that they cared about? That thought made me wonder a bit. But I was so blind that I couldn’t see what was really going on. I feel so stupid for that.
So what exactly was I blind to? It’s simple as all get out. I was lied to, and I knew it. But I guess it was one of those things that you know isn’t true but you believe it is. For a long time the sweet nothings he told me, meant the world to me. The “I can see my future with you.” And the old “I care about you, and I love you” Those made me breathless. But I knew the moment I asked him if he was dating some one else and he told me no something was going on.
I’ll give you a brief summary of what happened, and whether you want to talk to this person or not I don’t care…But I don’t want harsh words said for I have forgiven him for being going at this in an immature manner. I have chosen to be the bigger person and move on, looking for new people instead of dwelling on the past only to be hurt again.
So the summary, I was at his house yesterday, all was well. We were watching SAW IV and all. It was a bit awkward at first between us, and I was a bit mad but slowly all of the feelings subsided and everything. So it was all cool. So, we started to cuddle and he told me that he loved me and stuff. Then his phone rang. I sighed and sat up and waited for him to finish. They hung up and I just sat there, with a sigh because I knew who it was. Then she called back and the words I heard was “I love you” And then the bomb collided with me. He said it back…
Hm, we recently broke up and he’s already telling some one he loves them. Now excuse me but does that sound like he’s dating or about to date? >> << I’m not going insane am I? >> << I hope not. Because that is exactly how I felt. But I will admit, I went at this completely immaturely and I want to apologize to him. I went off on him so bad. I was really upset and hurt. When I confronted him about it, he told me that they weren’t dating. I believed him. Then she called again and he told her the same thing. I got up set again. But that’s when I started to doubt it all again. The feeling of betrayal isn’t anything fun as I know from experience.
But I guess you can say that was beside the point. I threatened him that I would walk. But it wasn’t until he got up and left the room to talk to her did I lose it. I got my movie out of the DVD player, and put my shoes and coat on then bid him farewell and walked out off the house and started walking. He ran out side and told me to get in the car. I’m not going to lie, I didn’t abide by his command. I was foolish in what I did but I don’t regret it now. I was really mad at him.
In the end I get in his car and he took me home. I said a stern good by and went inside me house. The weather wasn’t nice though. So after ten minutes I called to make sure everything was ok. But then I called back at around nine because I needed to talk to him about it. And that is when he broke the news to me. He informed me that soon him and the girl would be dating, again. Not only had this man lied to me to my face, he had been lying to me all along.
I called him names that I don’t want to repeat and left with the words. “Call me if you ever want to hang out.” The funny thing about this…I doubt he will ever speak to me again. I also get the feeling he regrets everything about me and only wants to be friend because he wants me to be happy. If he truly wanted me to be happy…he wouldn’t told me the truth instead of B.S’n his way into a deeper hole and causing even more pain.
I don’t think I have ever been so upset in my life. I was a wreck last night to the point I made red water. I threw up from my state of upset and even had panic attacks. I don’t think he loves me. And I can proudly say, and I quote from MCR’s ‘I don’t love you’ “I don’t love you like I did Yesterday.” And I’m sorry to say this but I don’t think I can ever love him again for all the pain he has caused me. I should’ve listened to what people were telling me, about how this was going to end badly and I will be even more hurt.
They were right…and this is only the sunny side of it. The side that I don’t mind if people see. As for the dark side, my mind, you wont ever see it. I don’t even want to see it. But I just want to say something to the guy.
Thank you for opening my eyes and letting me realize that I needed to move on in life instead of dwelling on you. If you can’t accept me for who I am and tell the truth then you aren’t worth my love and time. But I still want to be friend, though I doubt we’ll be talking for a while because you’ve done this before. (The periods of time where we never speak) But Have a good dating life with out me!
And with that note I am done with this entry! Good day my fellow friends, and thank you for reading <3
 Usagi_Ohagi · Wed Feb 27, 2008 @ 06:52pm · 2 Comments |
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