Well, I'm getting sacked on the 28th, my hours that I can work through the school are up then, and the TPP work program only runs for 5 weeks during the summer, and they're up. I'm pretty sure (99.99999999999%) that Jon (my manager... until the 28th) isn't going to hire me on at Pizza Hut full time... So now I have to do the mad dash to get a new job... or leave. If I don't get a job ASAP, my dad is going to kick me out, and I'm not ready to leave yet, I don't know where I'm going with my life yet and I'm so afraid I'm going to ******** up and fail and end up in a ditch somewhere, all alone. I'm so depressed too... Aurora's getting closer and closer back to Jeremy, the a*****e from hell... and I know she still loves him and I just feel in my heart shes going to get back together with him and in the end I know she'll be miserable... I want so badly to protect her... but I'm sick of trying. She didn't listen to me about Gabe... oh how I hate him so... and of course things happened with them... ugh... why do I even give a damn what she does anymore? I don't know... God I'm so frustrated and depressed and SICK OF THIS GOD DAMN WEAVING BACK AND FORTH WITH THE MEDICATION INDUCED MIND TRIPS ><! I'm sick of feeling awake and yet not... my dexadrine is driving me insane. I recently figured out why I wake up and I always feel like s**t and have bags under my eyes, I forgot that the clonidine I take so I can sleep is a medication for people with high blood pressure, it lowers your blood pressure, which is technically really bad if I constantly do it in order to achieve sleep. I'm killing myself with this s**t, because my body can't regenerate at the rate its supposed to because my blood is going like a** slow.. and thats why when I wake up, I feel so crappy...
I need to change my meds... I need to move on with everything in my life and just find my place in the world yet unfortunately I DONT WANNA BE POOR, HOMELESS, AND ALONE, which is where I'm headed quite quickly these days...
Ugh... I need to try to sleep... g'nite....
-Jag
 Jaguar__5 · Wed Jul 27, 2005 @ 07:33am · 0 Comments |
