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March 24th 2008:

I've been fearing this since before this Christmas, therefor my Christmas was so... -sigh- a wanting not to remember, even though it was the birth of Jesus and Im a Christian, I was happy but to be honest... I wasn't. And this one is a biggie, no no telling... Comfort me if you want to, sometimes I do feel like I NEED it.

-What Im fearing at the moment is many things, that are all related to my father. Let's see how to start... You see, one afternoon, after a looooong day with my school friends (I take Architect Course at Highschool and they decided to make an excusrion or so...) We went bowling, shopping and all that just in case. -Sigh- Um... my father picked me up so we could go to the mall 'again...' but I went anyways. I was just looking around the cellphone till I saw a little text message, I was intruiged so (he doesnt checks the txt messages often, he forgets) I checked. For my surprise I saw many messages from one person, I was like Get a life, but then... one read "I love you..." I was shocked... -sighs again- from that day forward I have been thinking that he's cheating, maybe Im just being paranoic but there are many signs that says contraire so... yeah. Also, he wants to leave to "get more money in the U.S." I have absolutely nothing against the U.S. I just dont want him to leave... ugh... Cause I've been used to see him every single day... since I was born... I can't cry now... -holds on- Im not joking, I am trying to hold my tears. But... I guess... sometimes I don't care but deep down its like they're taking a part of me away... -wipes- Im not just typic the actions, Im actually doing everything I say. -Sighs once more- I just need that parental guidance... I need comfirmation... And yet no one knows what goes in this girl's heart, I swear Im telling the truth, no one knows it exept you dear reader, thanks for caring. Not my sis nor my mom, sometimes I wish I could ask my sis "Do you think dad is cheating on mom?" But I can't cuz she'll think Im being weird... -holds again- Neither do my closest friends know about this torment... which is getting me depressed lately. I've been holding on to this secret but sometimes... its like they say... the truth shall makes us better... The truth shall set us free...-


April 8th, 2008:

Well, I learned that my father is going to 'work' to I don't know where, its not that I don't care... He leaves on April 26th or 28th, I have to be strong when he leaves, I pray nothing goes wrong, I hope he comes back and wish I didn't knew any of this... Knew anything what I've seen these couple of months, change of personality, change of self, family falling appart, hearts breaking. Truly I know my friends are always there for me, thank you Josh and Emily, my bestest friends I have told many things to, that not even my school friends know. I appreciate every effort you do when its about cheering me up, I really say Thanks, from the bottom of my heart, friends like you are hardly ever found. And Im sorry when I get childish, not wanting to get my moods up and being all mean, I apologize, I do my best not to act like this though.

Thank you for reading again n.n