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Another dimension of space Nope, not dead or swallowed by a wormhole! Just working a lot and trying to work out what I want to do with, if not the rest of my life, the next five years or so. If only I wasn't terrified that I couldn't hack it in grad school, and that I would be going for all the wrong reasons and therefore expecting something too much like undergrad (and therefore would be disappointed, bitter and out some serious money). Law school, I worry less about my ability, but I don't know if the tedium of the corporate job would be worth it, or if the low pay grade in the government sector would be either. Maybe both, although that means law school second, because there is no way I could walk away from that kind of money. Also, I moved, and I really shouldn't have. The new place, while I'm sure it was nice for the previous occupants, is too big for us. Add in a bunch of unforeseeable annoyances and the fact that our old apartment complex really was nice, and you get misery. Even if the front door was awkward and our first upstairs neighbor threw giant hairballs onto the patio, it fit and it felt right. Now there's just nowhere I want to be, because wanting to go home is impossible. It actually physically hurts. I feel stupid for not moving to a slightly bigger unit there instead, because there was home. Here is just a place I don't even really like being. It's bad enough I'm looking for a way out, even though doing that could carry some pretty disastrous consequences personally; it's not personal, it's just a shoe that doesn't fit and I want to take it off before I get blisters. Thoughts? Suggestions? Dire warnings? And before I forget, I cleaned up my friendslist a while back because at least half the people on there I either didn't know or hadn't seen online in six months or more. If I forgot who you were and deleted you, or if I just did it by mistake, let me know if you're somehow seeing this. It's senility, not ill-will. gonk

Posted by: fubenkunai Tue Jun 03, 2008 @ 07:21pm

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Druki
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Commented on: Tue Jun 03, 2008 @ 07:45pm


	Fuben is going into the field of laws, loopholes, and lies (had to find a third word that began with L, and somehow this fits. xp)? surprised Good luck with that. Humans are the only species on Earth that modify their enviroment to their needs, so I've been told. What I'm getting at is maybe instead of looking to leave your current place, find ways to make it better. Fill it up with stuff in your storage if it's too big. Get a cat or a dog or something. Make it your home rather than your personal Hell that greets you when you're done with the day.

Commented on: Tue Jun 03, 2008 @ 08:02pm


	That was the first line of thought, and is still in the works, but there are some things that can't be changed. Like, the heat won't be solved unless the owner installs AC, and even then I'm not sure how much we could mitigate without having an extremely huge electric bill. The kitchen is just poorly-designed, and we're not allowed to redecorate it at all. The neighbors are hostile people and if they're like this when we've been quiet and respectful, I don't hold high hopes. Furniture that was supposed to be there was not, and the paperwork/administrative stuff was largely improvisational, creating awkwardness for us. What I miss about the old place is that it was laid out to fit all our stuff perfectly (in terms of furniture; we only needed more storage), it was north-facing and cool, the view from the windows was nice, the people were friendly, the construction was top-quality, we had a pool, and it was quiet. Coming home to the cat running to the door was nice, as was falling asleep to the light hum of the AC units outside, hearing the cat chatter at the birds, and being close to everything. It had all the small things that make a place feel good. They say "God is in the details," and I think the same is true of home-- not a place you live, but home. So it's a difficult thing to deal with, because not having a place you want to go makes everything a hundred times harder.

fubenkunai
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Druki
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Commented on: Thu Jun 05, 2008 @ 02:07am


	D: If that's the case, then be very smart about moving out. Not worth everything you own/will own to move out of a place you're hating. I've always heard the saying "Home is where the heart is". If it's just not feeling like home, then it isn't. And if it doesn't seem like it will ever be, then leave it.

Commented on: Thu Jun 05, 2008 @ 07:30pm


	It's a delicate slding scale, to be sure. We're trying to make it more habitable, but there are those cost worries regarding AC and those arbitrary restraints on redecorating the kitchen (It's currently some bad colors, we want to paint something tasteful and coordinated with the floors, but "it's too much of a pain" to repaint in there-- never mind that we would be the ones doing all the work, and we're the ones who have to live with it). But being in the loopholes and laws business, I know it could be more than it's worth to get out early. We're sort of thinking we'll make some efforts but if it still sucks, we'll find someone else to rent so it's a non-issue that we're leaving. I could even do background checks if I needed to, which would be a nice bonus for the owner. It's good to know I'm not a total whiny idiot for wanting to go. Like, I know I have to try, but I feel better knowing that being uncomfortable is an okay reason to want out. heart

fubenkunai
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Kafka
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Commented on: Mon Jun 09, 2008 @ 09:17am


	I think hostile neighbours alone is a perfectly sensible reason to yearn to move. gonk Definitely not whiny.

Commented on: Tue Jun 10, 2008 @ 04:17pm


	Being crotchety and antisocial I could deal with, even, but these people are actualy asswipes. There's one woman who sits in her car and seethes until you're out of the parking lot, then guns it out herself-- and she'll sit and seethe from the time she sees you walking out to your car, so it's not like she couldn't just go. Then there are the parking spaces that are only reserved for the people who own, and the nasty notes about parking in the "wrong space" for 30 minutes. Never mind that in effect, we have a reserved space because our landlord owns but is never there. Not that it matters, because the family next door always steals the space reserved for our number, even after a year of polite notes on their car from the previous tenants. They just go out of their way to say "Get out, you're not welcome, we hate you." gonk

fubenkunai
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