Welcome to Gaia! :: View User's Journal | Gaia Journals

SO, I've gotten a few messages from concerned (angry) friends of a friend. I won't mention any names, that's childish. This friend of mine I grew to trust and love and I was excited when we became closer... as friends of course XD But at some point, this friend started hanging out with my boyfriend, we were all friends so I saw no harm in this.

My boyfriend and I are swingers, maybe I can say we've put that on hold for a bit, but honestly there's only one other couple that we were involved with. We're each other's main partners, we only have intercourse with each other, and I'm beginning to think that goes for oral as well. I've put playing with others on hold sine I found out one of my friends (not one I was ever involved with XD) caught HPV (human papilloma virus), and as such I've decided to put the swinger behavior on hold until I myself get the vaccine.

NOW THEN! This friend of ours I'm assuming was perhaps interested in the swinger-ish nature of my boyfriend and myself, although my boyfriend and I discussed it and decided neither of us were interested, I was going to tell him but I suppose I was too late. This all would've been fine if it was simply the both of us my friend was interested in. But he in fact was not.

He went over to my boyfriend's apartment as he usually did, I understand there was a party they'd gone to and drank until they were both fairly "happy" (happy drunk, nothing pervy XD)

This is where it turned, this was the mistake my friend made, this is the truth. He told my boyfriend that he loved him. He'd loved him since high school and meeting with him again several years later had rekindled that love. He told him I wasn't right for him, he deserved better than me and that I was a cruel heartless person. My friend told my boyfriend that I had a hobby for reeling men in and then destroying them emotionally, it was some sick game of mine, that I'd done it to two of my other internet friends. He said I had a specific date picked out, July 23rd. On this day I had decided to emotionally destroy my boyfriend, I was going to rip his heart out and leave him withered and alone, not those exact same words obviously but basically...

My boyfriend was shocked, he knew that our friend had been coming on to him, but all three of us are flirty, he didn't think anything unusual about it. Once they'd left the party, he took our friend to his home, they walked obviously, and on his way back to his apartment, he called me. He told me everything, and then the next day he told me while he had slept and sobered up.

I was shocked, hurt, foolish feeling, confused. I'd been hurt in small ways through out my life before anything became serious, girls would steal crushes of mine, but they weren't my friends, and I'd never succeeded in grabbing these other crushes before they did. But this, this hurt. This friend was a dear friend, I loved him, and I loved my boyfriend even more so. I didn't talk to my friend, I didn't message him, I didn't do anything. My friend didn't seem to talk to me much either, like he'd totally forgotten about me. Which makes me wonder, even though he said he didn't remember, then why was he avoiding me as well, unless he did and lied. He began calling my boyfriend every day after that, several times a day. If he didn't answer he'd walk over to see if he was home, he even began calling him from different numbers. I explained the situation to one of our friends in common and he told me that my friend said that my boyfriend was "running into him" hinting that my boyfriend was the one doing the stalking...

First of all, I hate drama. No, I'm not just saying that, I managed to avoid drama throughout junior high and high school. I graduated three years ago, I don't deal with drama too well so I usually ignore it until it passes. That wasn't the case. I tried, I tried to keep this low key, I tried to keep it ONLY between my friend and myself, but he didn't want that, he was mad at me for being mad at him I'm assuming, he drew attention to the matter. Right now he's throwing his tantrum. Telling his friends, PLAYING THE VICTIM. I suppose I'll have to ignore this drama until he's done, it's ridiculous.

What upsets me the most is the nerve he has to play the victim. I am the victim, but I won't play the victim (aka drama queen), BUT I refuse to be the bad guy, why should I be the bad guy when my friend took me for a fool, when he lied behind my back, slandered my name, tried to take something dear to me away, when he betrayed me What's worse, he's wining to people about how mean I am but without telling them why I'm angry. He’s a malingerer. ( I’ve always wanted to use that word.) He's saying he did SOMETHING, but not what he did. He's saying I called him names I didn't call him.


Now that that's all said, I'm hoping this'll answer questions to anyone who feels they need to attack me for hurting my poor back stabbing friend's feelings. He “exaggerates the truth” (lies), we all know it, so I'm sure he's told people all sorts of things about me ~sigh~ I can't escape that, you can believe what ever you want.

As for our future, this will pass, all things pass. I can say though that I will never again trust him like I once did, we might hang out, I can't see it now but I know some day it may happen. But I deserve time, and he needs a TIME OUT. Tantrums are not rewarded. I need time to cool off, which seems to be taking longer than usual, although he is making it worse by blowing it all way out of proportion. I feel threatened, maybe that's a part of it. I feel like a loose cannon ball as well. I might say something truly mean that, no matter how mad I am and how badly he deserves it, I might regret later.

I could keep going, and I usually do ~sigh~ I suppose I'll stop though, I need sleep, today was bad, I couldn't stop thinking about all of this.

OH! There is one other thing I want to say, and I've said it I'm sure to most of the friends my back stabbing friend and I have in common. As angry and hateful as I am right now, there is a small side of me that worries about how this is affecting him, this tiny piece that wants to believe how truly sincere he is, I won't let it, that's how I've gotten hurt by others in the past, no way. But because of that tiny piece, and because I grew up between two friends who hated each other, I know how horrible that is. I told our friends that this is BETWEEN ME AND HIM. I don't want them getting involved. I 1) don't want them to hate me for being angry with him and 2) don't want them to be mad at him and turn against him. I won't play that part, that's the part of a bad guy, that's the part of my two friends who made me pick sides. I refuse. It's rude, it's childish, it's pointless, it's selfish, it's not something real friends do.

I won't say my friend is doing that, but sometimes I wonder, with people coming to ask me why I'm such a b***h, I wonder what he's told them, no matter though, those ones who think that of me aren't my real friends, they're just caught up in this drama.

Ok I was going to wrap this up two paragraphs ago. ~sigh~ I'm going out of town, I wonder what I'll find when I get back, I hope I find less hateful messages, and like I said I won't name names, I deleted them, I didn't want to see them, they just made me angrier.

Anyway, night night to you all (it's totally 4:57 am)