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I love my grandmother with all my heart as she loves me and everyone else.
I was just laying in the hammock last night watching the stars and I thought about what life will be like without her. I started to cry and I literally made myself sick because I couldn't stop myself.I thought about all the times when I was a little child following her in the garden, and helping her make cookies. I remember we would all get to go to toys r us before christams and she would give each of us kids our own basket and she'd let us fill it full with what ever we wanted. That was when she worked at the post office. For christmas her house was over flowing with magic. I always thought it felt like the toy store from home alone 2. And on christmas eve we made cookies for santa and said our prayers by the window watching the snow and would wake up for christmas morning. Later that day the relatives would come about 83 of us, and have christmas dinner. We'd all join in a circle hand in hand and say the blessing after wards the grown ups wanted to eat while we the kids would go outside and play werewolves. I remember the men always got the tv and watched their boring football and bet their money while the women talked among themselves. At night before everybody went home we all managed to sit around that stone fireplace and listen to grandpa read twas the night before christmas.
All these things I remember like it was only yesterday.
I remember watching the fire works in the pool on our little rafts. I remember catching fireflys and letting them rest on my fingers like they were diamond rings.
I remember grandma making cake for my cousin and visiting her everyday after she was found because she had been kidnapped. She never was the same again but she grew stronger and she knew we loved her and never gave up that we would see her again and hold her in our arms again. Grandma never was a person to give up. I wish I could be like her.

I remember the two teenagers that would come to visit grandma because they loved her like their own. When she was a cop back then she had busted their parents on a drug scandal and found them half starved to death forced to eat the marijuana seeds because they were soo hungry, they were taken with them to the jail and was going to have to stay until somebody picked them up. Grandma refused to leave them and took them home with her and they spent thanksgiving at her house. They stayed with her for 6 months, until their grandmother came to get them. To this day they visit grandma, they refuse to leave her,lol.
Grandma always told me whenever I grow up to always protect the little children, because little ones are helpless and defensless against adults. She told me to show them love and kindness like she did to me. To help rebuild their spirits if they have been hurt. To treat everyone equal. She told me love does make a difference to people. We make people feel better when they are loved. Some people have nobody in the world, that they'll at least have someone through me. To know that I'll will always be their friend and never judge them. She said to remember all that when she dies because she will never really die through me. If I continue to succeed where she left off then she is never really dead and she'll always be right there in my heart.

All that I cried. I need to stop thinking like that. I need to continue to enjoy the precious time I have now. Thats why I try to make peace if I am wronged or I wronged anyone because we time is something that is never truely ours. Time always changes, always go's, it never stops to take a break for anyone.

Yet knowing all this why cant I stop crying?