yes, a ramble day today!
a day where i actually dont feel pissed or anything.
its a day where i'm nervous and shy and having my mind in the gutter...well i havent let my mind reach that far yet, and i'll like to keep it like that for now.
okay...i think i'll just start this journal entry, as you know i cant keep the excitement in.
okay, tuesday the 19th of September, i realized, that i might...maybe might like one of my guy friends.
now for me, this is kinda like rare, the last guy i went out with was back in year 9, when i first held hands with a guy. now thats was when i was 14 young and naive, that was 4 years ago, since then i havent really seriously liked a guy.
i figured i can live without one for a good while, a good while meant that you know i wouldnt like a guy this year. but yes, as you have read the above, i havent dated a guy in a long time...i havent 'experience' anything with a guy OR girl. i get nervous with just holding hands.
which brings me to this kind of halt, which i found out on Tuesday.
But first let me go back to the very begininng.
At the start of the year of my repeating yr 12, i met kevin (the guy i may like..probably) around 2-3 months into the 1st term, i thought he was cute sure enough, and i liked him, only like in the sort that goes a bit over friendship. and so yeah, until sometime after that he pissed me off, by being immature. Now dont get me wrong, i dont mind immature but theres immature to the fact where a 19 year old guy should not go, or maybe i was just moody that day. But anyway that made me turn my emotions back to being just like as in friendship like. and so things have been that way since as you know just recently the tuesday that just past.
You see he had a sore throat on Tuesday, and i thought awww he's trying to act all tough. how adorable (something guys dont like being called) but anyways, it was english, last block for the day, i was tired and he was sitting next to me. i was like *sigh* so funny seeing him in misery because of his throat. (my friend said i could possibley be into S & M sweatdrop xd ) And i let my thoughts wander..wandering, it'd be nice feeling if we were a couple, if we could just hold hands redface my gawd just thinking about it makes me blush. but yeah. and coz since i dont really have any experience i'm like, i cant kiss, i'm going to be a BAD kisser, which in turn made me think, Kevin is already experience in that area as he has had a previous girlfriend. oh just to note i think this is weird but, when he broke up with his girlfriend they had break up sex...thats weird right?
back to the story.
AND then i couldnt stop thinking, my mind is in the gutter i swear! i cant help how i think, you cant properly blame me! this may be the reason why i needed to get this out in the open. but anyways yes i couldnt stop think how, i pictured 'us' if he were to lean over and i'd break the mood going 'umm kevin..i cant kiss, i dont really have that kinda...umm area.' he in turn would be like 'dont worry *my name* its okay i'll show you"
SQUEEEEEEEEEEEEE redface redface redface redface xd xd
okay, i got it out in the open...phew its out it out thank gawd its out. emi i hope you read this. i'm quite confuse and s**t all. i'm heaps like what should i do, ahhgh embarressing its so embaressing.
Lychii Community Member 
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