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The much anticipated second season of Gundam 00 rips up everyone's expectations and sets them higher, while I go steadily insane... O.o That sums up my weekend in a nutshell.

Back Wednesday, I had planned on attending kendo as I'd found a free open air dojo around here that fit my schedule. Sadly, my plan on attending that day was cut to ribbons by unforeseen events, so I planned on Saturday morning's class to attend and spectate. This really wasn't going to work because I had been in a bad mood since that Thursday, and I really wasn't feeling well enough to have a clear enough mind to absorb anything, so I just opted out of going. Next Wednesday night is going to be promotions at Stillwells dojo, so I'll plan for next Saturday if I don't end up doing any travel... So I suppose kendo is going to be put on ice until I sort my life out for now.

About the going crazy bit, my plans had seen yet another unforeseen event... My plans to set things right and attempt to make my friend's life more harmonious really isn't applicable right now, since she's more or less given up on everything. I feel terrible that I couldn't have helped, because I knew her current relationship was better than the relationship she had with me by any measure of the word... At least when things weren't stressed between them. She really can't let herself continue dating this person because she believes herself to be much too unstable of a person and can't live up to what her partner's standards, or requirements, are. So now she just gave up after all that they've been through. I'm almost infuriated with her for that, because I know that they loved each other. >.<" Anyway, I can no longer fix things between them... Which makes me feel ten times worse about my own lingering feelings for my friend...

I'm still calling her my friend, but I don't even feel like she considers that of me anymore. Especially now that she feels herself to be even more of a terrible person than before and has started to shut even her closest friends out. I'm so confused...

I just called her, and... Apparently I'm just paranoid? O.o She was busy all weekend. So yeah, I feel like an idiot pretty much for thinking that she was avoiding me. Like I can help it though... I've procured so many issues mentally over the years from my upbringing, and after years of working at them I'm mostly normal, but sometimes I just... You know those days where you wake up and you put the wrong shoe on first? It almost feels like that. I just can't bring myself to leave my room, because I can't deal with people or loud noises, but I also can't handle being alone because it's causing me to zone out and have nightmares without going to sleep. This sort of feeling doesn't occur often if everything is well in life. Usually just when I'm failing a class, or I see/hear something shatter to pieces, or people are excessively verbally abusive to me. So, I'd say on average that I'd go through really tough days about once every one or two years, but I tend to snap out of them quickly most of the time. Quick is a relative word though, so I'm going to set that as less than a week.

Today I'm at the third day of being socially shut off, highly paranoid, and deathly afraid of something I can't pin my finger on... I've done a good deal to force myself to eat now and again, but I just don't have the urge to leave my room and do that. Normally I would just fast until I felt I could interact with people again, so I'm not so far gone I hope. But yeah, being alone all weekend was a killer though, because I've been wrapped up in a blanket trying to think of something to distract myself with so I'd stop thinking. Since I typically can't distract myself adequately, I began calling people left and right--some more than others on account of our trust level... Nobody picked up, and that terrified me that everyone must have hated me or been annoyed (well, if they weren't initially, they probably are now... =_=). I've had zero productivity since Thursday, which is when it really began technically, so I'm not very presentable intellectually or physically (no drive to bathe... >.<;;; ). I haven't done much homework either because I was afraid I'd bleed off some weird emotion into it that would freak out the teacher... Even my weekly letter to my pen pal has been put on hold, because halfway through it, I just got effing weird... O.o So she probably won't get a letter this week. So I'm pretty much a mess right now, I only hope that I can pull myself together for school tomorrow.

>.< People and animals are being loud right now. I can't take it! I'm still not doing so hot, but I know for damn sure that I was an utter wreck the last couple nights... I hope the trend continues tomorrow, because I've got kumite to deal with. And I will get injured if I'm not there 100% mentally. Seriously, how hard is it for someone to take care of their dog to keep it from screaming?! >.< In summation, life feels like complete suckage, and I've been in and out of the fetal position for as little as no reason at all... That's how I've been. I'll update tomorrow with a cheerful message of recovery with any luck.

P.S. Gundam 00 was fantastic tonight, and having finally seen the redub of Macross, I have to say it's pretty weird to me. O.o I wonder why they ever cast Vic Mignogna as Hikaru... O.o Oh well, I suppose after ten episodes he's growing on me, because he can act--everyone else just seems to like screaming. =_= Max Jenius does not scream!!! >.<"